


Love is Blindness

by Foreverbandgeek



Series: I Never Met a Wolf Who Didn't Love to Howl [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Canon-Typical Violence, Depression, Drinking to Cope, Love, M/M, Non-Werewolf, Sex, Suggestion of Drug Abuse, Teen Wolf AU, sterek
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-04
Updated: 2014-12-17
Packaged: 2018-01-18 02:32:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 37,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1411684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foreverbandgeek/pseuds/Foreverbandgeek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Relationships are hard. Very hard. And when they end, they become even harder. Derek learns that he must try and deal with the pain and anger of lost love, and must try and overcome the oppressive darkness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Love is Blindness

The road stretched out endlessly before them. It was as if nature was foreshadowing the endless future laid out before them. Derek looked at the adorable idiot seated beside him. Even when he was in a world of daydreams, Stiles was the most attractive man he'd ever seen. Every pore in his body was screaming for him. They hadn't had sex in four days because ‘there wasn't enough room in the car’, or ‘the sheets at the motel looked fishy.’ Derek was a man. A man with needs. And right now he needed Stiles laid out on his back screaming Derek’s name in pitches only audible to dogs. “Derek! Watch the road!” His eyes shot forward and he pulled the steering wheel to the right, sliding back into the lane. All the roads in Washington seemed so narrow compared to California, like the green hills couldn’t possibly bear to be apart.

After everything they had been through in Beacon Hills, all the uncertainty and insanity they decided they were going to leave. So they packed the car with only what they absolutely needed and  would drive until the gas ran out. Looking around at the abandoned farm houses scattered across overgrown fields, Derek was praying that the fumes held out just a little bit longer.Podunk Washington was not what came into mind when Derek thought of living out his life with Stiles in romantic bliss. But it could always be worse. They could be in Idaho.

It was quiet. The radio signal had dropped out a few hundred miles back. They hadn't said much of anything, so when Stiles broke the silence it was startling. “Hey. So remember that time in the preserve back home?” Derek didn't even need to think. For Valentines Day and incidentally their anniversary, last year, they had intended to have a romantic dinner in the Beacon Hills nature preserve. Instead they had ended up rolling around naked on the forest floor, only to be found by Stiles father, the sheriff, after getting complaints from passing hikers of fighting in the brush. They never got to eat their dinner, and ended up getting poison ivy, so sex was off the table. Bringing that up now just made Derek need to itch a very intimate spot.

“Yeah, but seeing as its not really a happy memory, it makes me wonder why its springing into your mind.” Derek looked over at Stiles and saw his usual crinkly smile plastered across his beautiful dumb face. “Derek there have been signs for the last couple miles for a waterfall. And as far as I know, fresh water springs in Washington are very clean. And also I have always wondered what it would be like to have sex under a waterfall. So I feel it is in our best interests for you to take the next left otherwise I’m going to have to settle for road head.”

A sudden bulge in Dereks jeans betrayed his intentions before he could answer. And he knew that Stiles knew that he had won. Within the hour they were naked in a glistening pool of tepid water, surrounded by lilies and the sounds of croaking frogs. Standing inches before the cascade, Derek took Stiles hand and led him beneath the avalanche of crystal clear water. He smashed his face against Stiles’ in a messy kiss and they hit the smooth rock behind the falls. As Stiles ran his magnificent slender fingers through his hair he knew that they were making the right decision in leaving. Back home they would have already been interrupted by Stiles’ father, their friends, or some axe-wielding psycho.

They spent the entire day at the waterfall, making love in the warm sunlight and falling asleep to the sounds of their breathing. They woke up just as the sun was going down, so they walked through the woods until the found a nearby ridge to watch the sunset. Derek looked at Stiles and started to laugh. “What? Do I have something on my face?” When he doubled over from the laughter and started to tear up, Stiles pushed him to the ground.

Staring up at him, the laughter faded into an enormous smile. Derek returned to eye level and cupped Stiles’ cheek in his hand. He pushed it away and pouted. “What was so funny!” Stiles’ aggravated look always made him seem more like a puppy that was trying to catch its own tail than someone to be trifled with. Derek leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. Just being near Stiles made him fall deeper and deeper in love. Derek pulled away and leaned his head back. Stiles started to kiss at his neck, and goosebumps rose all over his body.

“I just never thought that I could have a day as perfect as this. You have made happier than I ever thought that I could be.” Stiles mouth crinkled into that goofy smile and Derek's heart melted. “I love you Stiles,” Stiles lurched forward and locked him in passionate embrace. When he pulled away, they kept their foreheads pressed together staring into each others eyes. “I love you too Derek. And I never want this to end, but I’m pretty sure I hear voices so we should probably put some clothes on and get the hell out of here.”

 

They reached Seattle about a day later. Stiles had fallen head over heels in love with the city before they even got out of the car. It didn't take them long to find a loft apartment for rent with a view of the Space needle, which according to Stiles, was the only needle on Earth worth seeing. The rent wasn't cheap, but between the money that Stiles had gotten when he turned eighteen from his Mom’s life insurance, and the inheritance Derek had gotten after the fire, so they had more then enough to settle down and enjoy a life for themselves. Stiles was accepted to the University of Washington and Derek got a job at a garage to keep busy during the day.

Their lives at first worked like clockwork. Derek would get up in the morning and shower, and eventually Stiles would join him. They'd fool around until Stiles got soap in his eye, or somewhere else, and he got upset. After they were done, Derek made Stiles cereal and toast, and Stiles made over easy eggs for Derek. Derek would get dressed and head out for the garage first, and Stiles would clean impulsively until his morning classes started. When they could, they would meet for lunch at a little diner near one of the busier hospitals, and morbidly watch the people streaming in and out. After everything they had done and seen in Beacon Hills, joking around about other peoples pain was more commonplace than it should have been.

In the afternoons, Stiles would go out and do any chores that needed to get done, and Derek would go to a local animal shelter that he had found and volunteer any way he could. Stiles never could understand why, but for some reason Derek had a sixth sense when it came to dogs. At night, they would have dinner, usually pizza or chinese food from the shop across the street, but every once in a while Stiles took the time to make them a fancy home cooked meal. They would watch TV until the either started to fool around or fell asleep cuddling on the couch. On those nights Derek would carefully carry Stiles back in his arms to their room, and in seven or eight hours the day would begin again.

 

When Stiles came home one day with someone he had met in his creative writing seminar, Derek was ecstatic. While he had always been happy to play the lone wolf, Stiles had always needed to be surrounded by a pack of friends. That was only the only reason Derek knew people back home. This new kid seemed nice enough, but he began to rub Derek the wrong way. He wasn't sure if it was the crazy overprotective boyfriend in him, or it was actually happening, but he was convinced that this guy was flirting with Stiles right in front of him. The looks he would throw and the way he would touch Stiles’ arm as they laughed made Derek suspicious. When he had left, Derek mustered up the courage to ask Stiles a question that had been bugging him all day. “Is that kid gay?”

Stiles looked surprised. “Yeah, why?” The theories started to ping around Dereks mind until he was finally able to blurt out a responsed of, “Oh. No Reason.”

 

Eventually more and more guys started to show up. It seemed like Stiles had managed to befriend every gay and bi man at the University of Washington. And they all had that same look in their eyes at the first one. Like if they were given the chance, they would fight over Stiles like Dogs over a piece of meat. Stiles started to notice the edge in Derek’s voice when he'd talk about them. After he finally asked what was bugging him, Derek stupidly answered. “I don't want you hanging out with those guys anymore. They can’t keep their eyes off of you and I don't like it.”

The look on Stiles’ face was surprising. He started to laugh. “What? I’m serious Stiles!” The laughter abruptly stopped. And Stiles’ jaw dropped. “You better be kidding Derek or else I may punch you in the jaw. You can't actually be expecting me to drop my friends because they make you uncomfortable?” Derek nodded. When the fist connected he was so surprised that he went flying back into a lamp. Landing amidst the shards he saw Stiles lurch forward to grab him. “Oh my God, I'm so sorry Derek! I didn't think that it would be that powerful, are you okay?” Derek massaged his jaw. Nothing seemed to be broken, but it would be sore for a few days. Surprise still registered on his face.

“I'm so sorry Derek, but I told you I was going to hit you.” He grabbed his chin and planted a kiss on both sides of his jaws. “But if you ever ask me to choose between you and any of my friends, then I am going to choose them. Our relationship is not and never will be built on ultimatums.” Derek smiled meekly and nodded. But in the back of his mind he knew that this gnawing feeling of suspicion would not be dismissed so easily.

 

After that little miff everything went smoothly for about three months. They went through their days in blissful ignorance of the problems that had started to creep into their world. Back in California, there was never enough time to have what people called a normal relationship. Their bond had been forged in the pursuit of psychopaths and vigilante hunters, so who had time to argue about taking out the trash?  But here even the little things were starting to catch up to them.

“I just don't understand why you can't spend an extra ten seconds to pick up the trash from the floor that didn't go in the bin. It would make my life that much easier, so why won't you just do it!”

“I'm so sorry I didn't see it on the floor, considering the fact that I was being shoved out so that you could take you shower and use up all the hot water.”

“Bull shit, you always have hot water.”

“Two minutes doesn't count Stiles. Every morning you suck up the water and their isn't even enough left for me to wash my hair.”

“Well considering you always drown it in that shitty gel then it shouldn't be a problem.”

“Well I'd rather drown my hair than my best friend.”

Stiles nostrils flared. “Don't even fucking start about that. YOU WE’RE PARALYZED I HAD TO GET SOME HELP! And you didn't drown, I didn't even have to give you CPR!”

“Yeah but you also let me be submerged for almost four minutes, and you DIDN'T EVEN MAKE THE CALL!”

Stiles tossed the trash can towards the wall and stormed out of the apartment.

 

But they swept their arguments under the rug, assuming that they were just the normal sort of lovers quarrel that all normal couples went through, even if theirs did involve some weirdos who had once stuck Derek with a needle. Stiles started his second semester at U-Dub, and started to take on more and more classes. Derek wanted him to take it easy, but Stiles could not be dissuaded once he had made up his mind. And with stress levels rising, when Derek would leave his dirty dishes out, the ever anal Stiles would not be able to handle it.

It seemed like every week there was a new reason for Stiles not to come home. Either he had a study session, or a late class, or a party that he just HAD to go to. It was slowly starting to look like Derek was living with a younger co-ed sibling rather than his boyfriend. He started to fall asleep more and more often by collapsing cold and lonely into the pillows instead of wrapped in Stiles’ arms. Stupidly Derek started to wonder if maybe there was a reason that Stiles wanted to spend more time with his frat boy friends. And that made their fighting got more frequent and much more intense. Veiled references were made to cheating which always led to Derek sleeping on the couch, and Stiles staying out later and more often.

 

On the day of their two year anniversary, about eight months after getting to Seattle, they had finally had a day like the one at the waterfall. There had been no fighting, no screaming, absolutely no sign of anything but a beautiful love. They spent the entire day in bed feeling each others warmth and reacquainting themselves with each others bodies. They both were starting to realize how stupid they had been to let the fights turn them into strangers in the others eyes. And they had three months of dirty make up sex to attend to, so how could they possibly find time to argue?

In a fuzzy, hormone fueled haze, Derek made the stupid mistake of thinking. It wasn't fair that they didn't get to do this anymore. When they did have semi-good days Stiles was too exhausted to do anything. His schedule was just too erratic and demanding. So instead of just holding Stiles like he was supposed to, letting him fall asleep in his arms, Derek decided to open his big stupid mouth and make a stupid comment about how maybe if Stiles dropped some classes they would have more time for nights like this.

Derek didn't know that someone could jump out of a bed that fast. The look of betrayal and outrage was something Derek had never seen on Stiles before. And then they had their biggest fight ever. As the night went on it seemed like every argument they’d ever had was  brought out of the closet, brushed off, and thrown around the apartment. Derek had never seen Stiles so angry. Well he had, but it had never been directed at him.

“This is my dream Derek! I’m doing what I want to do. I’m finally away from all the craziness of home, I'm studying to be a journalist, I've got great friends, and I’ve got you! Are you really asking me to compromise all of that, to compromise my future, just because you're a little lonely!”

“A little lonely! Stiles, you haven't been home before midnight in more than a week! You're always out at that school with your damn friends!”

“Oh so now you're going to drag my friends into this? I thought that we were done with that, that you understood that I couldn't live my life devoid of human contact and alone like you!”

“But I was never alone! Not until now. I used to have you!”

“You still have me Derek! But you can't possibly ask me to give up my entire life. My friends are important to me!”

“A little too important for my taste.” Silence.

Stiles put his hands on his hips and went slack jawed. “And what exactly is that supposed to mean?”

Dereks jaw hardened. “It means that you spend more time out with them than you do with me. It’s time for you to choose Stiles. I am in love with you, and you with me. You've only known them for a few months.

Derek immediately regretted what he said. His resolve melted he tried to stammer out an apology. “You bastard. I’m fucking done with this.”

He threw his keys in Derek’s face, grabbed his wallet and phone, and walked out before Derek could even put on his pants. When he finally got dressed, he charged into the night to try and find him to bring him back home, but it was too late. Stiles had gotten to know the city better than Derek, so he could be anywhere. So Derek trudged through the rain back to their empty apartment.

The next day when he woke up, phone clutched in his hand, he expected to find Stiles lying beside him. When he got up he was sure that he would find him in the kitchen making breakfast. But instead there was a note slid halfway under the door in Stiles’ handwriting that explained he would be staying on campus with a friend and that he would be back the next day at noon to pick up his things. Derek had absolutely no intention of being there when Stiles got home, not that it felt like a home anymore, so he showered and changed and got the hell out.

After spending most of the day stalking the streets in the rain, desperately trying to see Stiles under every umbrella, he came back to the apartment they had shared and took stock of the damage. There were a few noticeable items missing, some clothes, a few books, and some trinkets that Stiles had taken from home. But the apartment felt wrong. An emptiness had crept into the shadows and the light seemed artificial and forced. The life they had made for themselves had come suddenly and violently crashing down, but this place still stood as if its only purpose was to mock Derek. He spent that night in absolute agony, tearing apart pillows and breaking dishes. By the time the sun rose it looked like a wild dog had ransacked their place, as if trying to match the rooms to the torment inside Derek’s heart.

 


	2. Heat of the Moment

But life marched defiantly on. It was just like the roads that they had ridden to get to Washington, except now there was no Stiles in the passenger seat. The hours trudged into days, and the days crept into weeks. It had been two months since the break-up, and it was still as fresh as if it happened yesterday. Derek would get out of their bed expecting to find Stiles back, making eggs and toast just waiting for him. He expected Stiles to walk out of the shower and traverse the apartment in just a towel until eventually the towel fell off and he just walked around naked. He expected to find him waiting in bed for him when he got home at night. But every time he was disappointed, and the heartbreak set in a new.

He had talked to Scott, just to see if he had had any contact with Stiles. Other than the note there had been radio silence. As far as he knew, Stiles could be shacking up with one of those frat boy friends of him by now. But Scott had refused to tell him. “I’m not breaching Stiles’ trust. He doesn’t want to see hear or talk to you. You just have to accept that.” After Derek had furiously hit the end button on his cell, he collapsed onto his bed, and debated whether or not to answer when Allison called back. “He’s staying with one of his friends in the dorms on campus. He’s okay, and he’s still single. Did you seriously think that after two years he would just hop into bed with a complete stranger? But you seriously need to stay away. The last time he was like this was when his Dad had his heart attack. You know that he’s not good at handling loss.”

And Derek did know that. He had held him while he slept when his dad had the heart attack. Derek had kept him glued together through all the bad back home, but when they came here that was all supposed to be over. They were supposed to be able to start over and live the perfect life they had been planning. How is it that Stiles could suddenly just toss it all aside and leave Derek in the lurch? Now it was Derek that needed someone to hold him when he cried. He had always been the strong one, he didn’t know how to fall apart, especially know that there wasn't anyone to glue him back together. If he could just talk to him, he knew that he’d be able to figure it all out and maybe get him to come back home. But surely that was just wishful thinking.

One night, against his better judgement, he picked up his phone and pulled up Stiles’ contact info. He sat for what felt like an eternity just staring at Stiles name on the screen, trying to think of something he could say. But nothing came to mind. He put down the phone, and went to the cupboard. Stiles had gotten him an incredibly expensive bottle of scotch for their anniversary, and Derek had never even opened it. Well, now seemed as good a time as any. He skipped the glass, and downed the first swig. He was startled by how the smooth drink immediately made him think of Stiles. And the night began to go downhill.

 

Someone was screaming. The screams reverberated around the woods and Derek started to run. He tripped over roots, and the branches and vines scratched at his naked flesh. But he kept running, because he recognized those screams. He had heard them so many times after Isaac died. Tearing through the underbrush he screamed out Stiles’ name and finally saw him tied to an enormous tree with blood trickling out of his mouth. Derek felt his anger rise and he suddenly felt a stabbing pain in his hand. Looking down he saw bloody claws protruding from his fingertips. He opened his mouth to scream and felt four large canine teeth tear into the flesh of his lips. A howl erupted from the back of his throat. He looked again and saw a bloody bite mark in Stiles’ side. Falling to the ground he started to vomit and passed out.

 

He woke up and had to run to the bathroom to hurl. The dream had turned his stomach, and left him with the metalic taste of blood in his mouth. On his way back to the bedroom he saw a slew of beer cans spread all over the floor, the empty scotch bottle on the radiator, and a half filled bottle of vodka spilling its clear liquid all over the couch. Walking by the kitchen he smelled the usual delusional eggs and toast and was out of his of his vomit covered shirt when he stopped. That was actually the smell of eggs and toast. He scrambled back to the kitchen and saw that Stiles was standing at the oven making breakfast.

Derek tiptoed into the room. He wondered if this was just another dream, or if somehow the last month and a half had all been a dream and that Derek had finally woken up from his worst nightmare. He reached out his hand and lightly placed it on Stiles’ shoulder and squeezed. He saw Stiles hand grip the spatula in his fist and he spun around flailing to face his attacker. When he saw who it was, his face relaxed, but the spatula remained in a defensive position. Derek dropped his hand and took a step back.

“Well I guess you have to be real considering you just flung egg all over my nice clean kitchen.” Stiles eye dropped to the spatula and he quickly put it back on the stove. He chuckled, “Did you really think I was a dream? This face couldn’t be recreated by God, let alone your drunken subconscious.” Derek laughed and instinctively leaned forward and hugged Stiles. But as he squeezed, he felt that something was wrong. Stiles’ body had gone rigid. “What are you doing?” Derek's hands dropped and he took a step back in surprise. “I just thought...why are you here if we didn’t…you know...” Stiles cocked his head and looked at him inquisitively. And then he started to laugh.

“Oh Derek you were drunker than I thought. I’m here because you spent a good hour last night drunk texting me about how you were going to write epic poems in my honor and slay all those who wronged me. And then you just started to snapchat me pictures of you with various alcoholic beverages and I figured that you’d end up passing out and choking on your own vomit. So I came over to make sure that didn’t happen.”

Derek shook his head and started to feel sick again. He never drank alone because he always did things like this, but apparently his incredible stupidity had gotten the better of him. “Well now that you know I’m alive, why are you still here. Making me breakfast.” Stiles smiled and turned back to the stove to take the eggs off the burner. Over easy, Derek's usual. “I figured I’d check the pantry to make sure that you would have something to put into your stomach after you vomited five or six times, but you have literally no food except for stale bread.” He pointed to the trash where an empty milk carton now resided with an old loaf of bread and some moldy cheese. Stiles had always been in charge of groceries, and Derek had just sort of...forgotten. Until now he had been scraping by with what was left in the fridge. And besides, little things like groceries slipped your mind when Mr. Chung’s delivered.

“I sort of finished everything and haven’t found time to go shopping.” Stiles laughed. “Derek, do you even know where the supermarket is? Because I’m pretty sure you don’t even know where to start looking.” Derek dropped his gaze. “See? Honestly I don’t know how you survived before you met me.” His eyes returned and with a note of despair in his voice he responded, “That’s just it. I survived.” Stiles looked like he had been hit with a wrecking ball. He turned back to the counter and started to clean up the mess from the egg he’d spilled. The awkward silence was one of epic proportion. After a few minutes of tension, Stiles took the food out of the pan, and set a perfectly arrange plate of breakfast in Dereks usual spot and took a seat in the chair across from it.

He motioned for Derek to sit down. As he began to dig into the eggs, Stiles started to talk. “Derek, the truth is...I didn’t just come over just to make sure you weren’t dead, but to tell you goodbye.” Derek stopped eating and lowered his fork back to the table. “What do you mean, ‘Goodbye?’” Stiles started to fidget in his seat. “Remember the friend that I’ve been staying with?” Derek nodded. “Well, he’s transferring out of U-Dub into the John’s Hopkins Med. Program.” So I’ve decided that it is time for me to take my leave as well. I got accepted to NYU for the fall. I’m taking a train out in a few days so I can get settled into the apartment I found.

A thousand thoughts were racing through Derek’s mind. He thought that if he gave Stiles time that they would be able to fix what was broken. But this? Stiles was running, just like he always did. When Scott and him argued he would hide out in the woods. When Isaac died he fled to Vegas to surround himself in drink and gambling. But Derek had always brought him back. This time, he was running from Derek. And there was no way that he would ever be able to change his mind.

“Derek? Will you say something please? I know that this is really crazy and reckless but I think that it’s the only way that the two of us will be able to make our lives work if we aren’t together. We have to have absolutely no doubt in our minds that it is over.”

Derek gripped the knife in his right hand so hard that his fingers cramped. He slammed it down on the table and Stiles jumped. “How could you.” Stiles looked surprised. “How could you do this to me. First you destroy our relationship, and then you just take off without looking back to see what damage you’re leaving in your wake.” A look of pain flashed across Stiles’ face, which was quickly replaced by a new but familiar anger.

“I know that you probably won’t be able to get this through your tiny, conceited brain, but not everything can fucking be about you. Leaving you was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do and if you don’t get that, than clearly you don’t know anything about me.”

“Hard for you! All you had to do was fucking leave! I was left in OUR apartment completely alone. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I get up every morning and still have to remind myself that you left.” Derek shot out of his seat, sending the chair clattering to the floor. Stiles stood and tried to get around him to the front door. Derek pushed him back. “No! You don’t get to run out again. You don’t get to just run away. If you’re leaving forever I deserve an explanation.”

Stiles looked scared for the slightest instant, and then a strange look crossed his face. Desire? They were inches away from each other, closer than they’d been in weeks. In an instant Stiles’ body was pressed up against his, their lips locked in fervent embrace. Dereks heart was beating a mile a minute, and his mind knew that something was wrong about this kiss, but every pore in his body ached to feel Stiles again. He knew that what they were doing couldn’t be healthy, but as Stiles’ tongue began to explore his lips, he decided that he wanted to be sick.

 

They hit the bed with enough force for the headboard to leave a sizeable dent in the wall. Stiles seemed to have twenty hands exploring Dereks body all at once. Their mouths were still locked and Stiles’ breathing was erratic. As he lifted Dereks shirt over his head, they parted for just a moment, and their eyes met. There was a look of urgency in Stiles’ eye. Like if he didn’t do this he would never be able to do anything ever again. They surged forwards and reconnected. Derek ripped apart the fabric of Stiles’ t-shirt and pulled away from Stiles’ face. He knew that there was no turning back, so he went full force. He grabbed Stiles around his back and lifted himself up off the bed. With Stiles’ legs wrapped around his torso, he was face to chest with Stiles’ body. He latched onto a nipple, and bit down, not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to melt Stiles will. He hung limp and snaked his fingers through Derek’s hair, forcing him to keep biting. Derek leaned, and they fell again on the bed, this time with Derek on top.

Stiles disengaged his legs, and pushed Derek up. He fumbled at Dereks belt, and finally succeeded in freeing it from his jeans. Derek laughed and undid the button and zipper himself, sliding down the pants with one swift movement of his hands. He looked down at Stiles corduroys and laughed. “Well it certainly isn’t fair that you get to keep your pants.” Derek grabbed the reddish fabric at the heels and pulled, somehow able to get them all the way off without undoing any buttons. The look on Stiles’ face was one of complete lust.

“Derek. Derek I need this. Please.” Stiles never whined. This was truly an experience. Derek fell back onto Stiles, and their mouths met again. Derek started to explore Stiles’ mouth with his tongue. It had been so long since they had been together that he had almost lost the feel of Stiles’ teeth, the softness of his tongue, the spot on his lips that was always raw from his incessant need to bite it so seductively. He realized that there was absolutely no way he could give this up. So he had to try and prove to Stiles why he should stay. They had always had great sex, but Derek was going to make this record shattering.

Pulling back from his mouth, Derek started to slowly trail down Stiles’ body, planting kisses on any surface he could find. He stopped at his navel, and gently bit down, sucking on a spot just above his hips. He let go and saw that it was definitely going to leave a rather impressive hickey. Good, Stiles wouldn’t be able to forget this night for at least a week or so. He traveled a little farther down, and put his hands on Stiles’ hip, and ran his fingers along where his muscles formed a prominent V. He looked back up at Stiles, and saw that there were goosebumps covering his body. Their eyes met and Stiles looked like he was crying. Derek wasn’t sure if it was out of joy or sadness, but he threw caution to the wind and kept going.

He slipped his fingers around the elastic band of the boxer-briefs and tugged them down. They slowly gave way to the magnificence that was Stiles. The entire time they had been together Stiles had always been very adamant about personal appearance. He had always tried to keep every inch of his body hairless, except for his head. But in the weeks that they had been apart, he had let himself go. And it was hot. A fine, brownish down covered Stiles pelvis. And standing above it all was Stiles’ cock.

Derek had always been fascinated by it. Not in a fetish-y worship way, but just in awe of it. From base to tip it was about seven inches, and was probably about and inch and a half wide. He had a bulbous head, with a slight upward curve. His veins were there, but they didn’t stick out, and the color matched the rest of his body (which was explained about a year ago when he revealed he did a lot of naked sunbathing.) Just thinking about it made Derek even harder.

Making love in the daytime was always an eye opening experience for him. At night, there was darkness to cover any little flaw or insecurity. You could hide anything you wanted in the dark. Nakedness was no big deal, it was clean and concealed. But in the light of day, everything was exposed. A bare body may as well have been a bare soul. You were forced to face anything that you saw head on, instead of through a veil of shadows. Derek never felt closer to Stiles then when they made love in the day, and he didn’t know if they would ever be this close again, so every decision he made, he made it to be nearer to Stiles.

“Derek why the fuck are you stopping.” Stiles’ voice sent him jolting back into reality. He had just been gently resting his face against Stiles’ abdomen and had forgotten that they were having angry sex. Jumping back into the fray he lowered his head back down to Stiles’ pelvis, and took his cock in his mouth. Snaking his tongue around his head, Derek started to growl. He had learned that this drove Stiles wild just after they had started having sex. And it was working now. Stiles had laced his finger through Derek’s hair again and was trying to force his mouth down further.

So he obliged. Normally he would insist on more of a tease, but why on earth would he want to wait. He needed as much of Stiles as he could get. So he went down. It was dirty and hot and perfect all rolled up into one delicious package. Derek sucked off the love of his life. He forced his way down, until he could feel himself gagging. And then he would slowly work his way back up to the tip, circling his tongue, grazing his teeth, and sucking. He could feel Stiles writhing above him, and felt the hair being tugged a little to hard on his scalp. This was always the sign that Stiles was getting to close, that he should turn back. But he didn’t. He remembered back to a time where Stiles never needed a recharge, so he plowed forward until Stiles was screaming that he was cumming and Derek was swallowing every last drop. He pulled away and kissed back up to Stiles’ mouth.

“Thats not exactly how I wanted that to end you ass.” Stiles grabbed Derek’s face and locked him in yet another passionate kiss. He looked into those caramel colored eyes, past a forest of eyelashes and saw the man that he loved. He chuckled, a mischievous sound, and grabbed Stiles’ face. “Oh baby we haven’t even started yet.”

The next three hours were probably the best sex Derek was ever going to have. He had Stiles screaming and cumming, setting their new record for Stiles at six cumshots in one day. They had never had such sweaty hot amazing sex. At the end, Derek had been going so hard that he didn’t even notice that he was humping the bed instead of fucking Stiles. After they laughed their asses off, they finished of course. In the haze of sex and must they lay there, the afternoon sun illuminating the still entwined bodies, Derek was sure that Stiles would want to stay after this.

They spent the rest of the day together. They ended up watching cheesy rom coms while cuddling on the couch, and had pizza from the little shop across the street. And Derek felt better than he had since they moved to Seattle. This is what they had always imagined their life as after Beacon Hills. Everything shiny and sparkling without any cares or worries. It felt like they could just go on forever. So when they fell asleep in their bed that night, spooning like two idiots, Derek was sure that things had finally changed, that they had fixed whatever there was that needed fixing. That night he dreamed of him and Stiles just walking hand in hand through the woods back home.

 

When he woke up he was still in that fuzzy world. He reached across the bed for Stiles but he wasn’t there. He looked around and saw that there were things missing from the dresser. Some things that Stiles had left behind after he’d come back to get his stuff. Derek shot out of bed and tripped over the sheets, landing in a tangled heap on the floor. He pulled himself up and grabbed for his phone, and took off running. He called Stiles, but the metallic voice on the other end informed him that the number had been disconnected. He slid into the kitchen and saw his one remaining hope that this was all some big joke fade away. Placed neatly in the center of the table was another letter, folded into thirds, with Derek's name in Stiles’ handwriting on the top. He grabbed the letter and ripped it open hoping to find some semblance of sanity written inside. But all there was was the last thing Derek ever wanted to read.

 

Dear Derek,

I am so sorry that I have to do this to you again. When I came here yesterday I expected to just talk and try to smooth things over. I didn’t expect anything else of it. It wasn’t fair to you that I did that. I used you, and you deserve so much more than that. I still love you Derek, but if we learned anything over the last few months it’s that we don’t work in the real world, and we can never work. As hard as that may be to accept, I think I finally have so I’m leaving with no ties to bring me back. Don’t try to call, it won’t work. I didn’t tell anyone back home where I’m staying either so don’t try to attack them about it. I need to do this because Derek, if yesterday was an indication of anything, its that I’m weak. If I’m near you then I’ll run right back, and neither of us deserves that. We both need to find our lives outside of each other. I know now that this is the only way that that can ever happen. I’ll always love you Derek, and I’ll never forget everything that you taught me. I’ll never forget us.

       Love Always,

    Stiles

 

As the tears started to roll, Derek went through all the reasons that this was his fault. He had scared Stiles yesterday. He had forced him to try and fit back into his old life and sent him running. He had made Stiles hate him. Or even worse, everything yesterday had actually made Stiles realize that he didn’t love him anymore. Whatever the reason, he couldn’t stop the hot tears from rolling off his face into the paper. Within an hour he had almost everything packed into a rented U Haul trailer and hitched it to the back of the Camaro. Abandoning their loft, furniture, and a handful of useless trinkets, Derek set course for Beacon Hills.

 

 


	3. The Mirror-Blue Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek has a very painful flashback and a beloved character....gets a change in personality...
> 
> And since apparently people are offended by characters with regret, Derek does have a painful sexual experience so if you don't like that stop reading.

“So you just abandoned that big beautiful apartment?” Lydia was about five minutes into the fourth degree and had already covered the break up, the make up, the heartbreak, and the prophetic return home. Derek looked up at her incredulously. “What did you expect me to do? Stiles was the one who found it in the first place, and everything there reminds me of what we had and will never have again.” He turned away and started to pull more clothes out of the suitcases he had dragged up from the car. After the trip back all he wanted to do was collapse on the bed, but then Lydia had come over. But that plan was shot to hell.

“Well I still think that you should have at least tried to get some of your money back, it seems like such a waste.” She grabbed some of the clothes he had thrown on the floor and started to fold. “Don’t think me insensitive Derek, but you can’t throw money away like that, it’ll catch up someday.” Derek shot her a warning glance and walked to the dresser. Opening one of the drawers he was unpleasantly surprised by an abundance of Stiles’ clothes. His heart sank.

“Derek. What’s wrong?” Lydia walked over and peered into the open drawer. “Oh Sweetie. I know its hard, but you have to realize that its over.” She scooped up the handful of shirts and jeans and brought them over to the trash can, stuffing them in until they were overflowing. She turned back and started to put Dereks clothes in the now empty drawer. “We’re going to go out tonight. Jackson is out of town visiting his parents, so we’re gonna go clubbing.”

“Lydia, I love you dearly, but that is never going to happen.”

 

Not three hours later, Derek was walking up to the club with Lydia on his arm, somehow stuffed into a neon muscle shirt and what Lydia referred to as capris, but were more like shorts on Derek. He had a scarf that was to hot to be wrapped around his neck, and the boat shoes that Lydia had chosen for him were chafing his heels. The only thing he was allowed to choose was his watch. Which read ten o’clock. It had probably been four years since Derek had been out this late without chasing some nut or going to dinner with Stiles.

“Lyds, I’m really not sure about this. Shouldn’t I just be trying to get some sleep, its been a rough couple of weeks.” She laughed. “Derek, when Jackson left sophomore year, I spent almost a month alone in my room crying. And did that help? No! But eventually, I put on my lipstick and heels and found myself a man to play with, and I got over it like that!” As he remembered back, the circumstances seemed slightly different. And Jackson was the man she married. The logic seemed flawed, but there was no way that Lydia was letting him leave.

They walked up to the bouncer, a tall muscular man decked out in leather and shades. “Hi, we made a reservation earlier tonight? It should be under Whitmore, Lydia Whitmore?” The bouncer glanced at his sheet, and shook his head no. “Now that can’t be possible. I know that I made the reservation, they told me that it would be all set!” The man shrugged his shoulders and ushered them to the side. “This is so ridiculous.” Derek laughed. “Lydia, people here Whitmore and immediately think money, lemme try something.” How was it that Derek, who definitely didn’t want to be here, was getting them in the club. But he was just the same. In an instant he was slipping a hundred dollar bill into the bouncers open palm, meeting his eyes in an awkward intense gaze. He opened the velvet rope to allow them through. He could feel his eyes in his back as he walked away.

The club was in an old abandoned warehouse that used to make televisions or something. Everywhere they looked there was old machinery pressed into cages along the wall. The concrete dancefloor looked stained in places, and Derek couldn’t help but think that it looked like blood. How deliciously morbid. In the center of the enormous room, on a raised platform, was a mammoth set of speakers. In between the blackness the DJ was glowing. Looking around he realized that so was everyone else. Apparently tonight was a black light party.

“So that guy back there was totally checking you out.” Lydia was dragging Derek through the throngs of bodies to a station where a girl covered head to toe in neon paint was applying pink to a girls cleavage. “Who? The bouncer? God, no he was not.” She laughed. “Wow sweetie, its been a while since you’ve gone out.” Derek squirmed. He didn’t exactly like doing things like this before him and Stiles had gotten together, and it just seemed like cheating for him to be out having fun.

“Well yeah, did you expect me to go out and party while Stiles was studying?” Lydia stepped in front of the painter and told her to “work her magic.” A few minutes later, she was dressed up in swirls and swoops, a rainbow array, that made her look even curvier than she already was. As she shoved Derek at the girl, he heard her ask “head or chest.” He was about to answer when he felt Lydia pulling up his shirt. “Lydia what are you doing!” She tossed the shirt aside and whispered something to the painter. “Don’t worry darling, you’re going to be well taken care of. But we’re gonna go ahead and do this.” She took the scarf and tied it around Derek's eyes. “Don’t worry, you can trust me.”

A shudder ran through Derek’s body. The last time he had been blindfolded, Stiles had spent the day trying to send Derek into orgasmic shock. For hours he had made Derek stay tied to a chair while he ran his tongue over different parts of his body, licking off dessert toppings and exploring some more vulnerable areas. Derek had eventually ended up twitching on the floor after six hours of some of the most erotic sex he ever had.

“DEREK!” Snapping back to reality he ripped off the blindfold. On his chest was an elaborate network of painted lines outlining all of the muscles on Derek's chest. Through a mirror he saw writing on his back. Turning to get a better view he saw that it read “Hit me up, I’m single!”

“LYDIA! I told you that I wanted to fly under the radar, not flout my personal life in front of everyone here.” Lydia shrugged and put her hand on his shoulder. “Sweetie we need to get you some hot dirty sex, and then you’ll be fine.” He reached for his shirt, and Lydia jumped back. Balling up the neon fabric she tossed it into the crowd.

“Lydia! What are you trying to do to me, get me laid or give me pneumonia?” She laughed and flounced away. He walked around for a while and realized that dancing was not a viable option. While he had no problem wildly gyrating in the privacy of his bedroom, he wasn’t too okay with displaying that in front of a thousand strangers. But he took a few laps and realized that he was probably the oldest person here. The idea made him squirm.

So he went over to a bar and ordered a diet coke. There was no way that he was drinking tonight, even if Stiles’ phone was disconnected. He knew that somehow he would have a stroke of luck and make a fool of himself somehow. As the bartender handed him his glass, a young girl, probably about eighteen walked up besides him. “Hi Handsome.” Derek turned to look at her. She was pretty, long brown hair, green eyes, but the presence of a vagina made Derek laugh. She flashed her eyelashes and coyly replied “What’s wrong, cat got your tongue?” She trailed her fingers along Derek’s thigh and he was suddenly reminded of what Stiles used to say in the same situation.

Looking her dead in the eye, he took her hand and said to her, “Sorry sweetie, I suck cock.” The look of horror that crossed the girls face made Derek explode into laughter. As she shot away turning redder by the second, Derek went back to his drink. “Well that clears up everything that I was going to ask.”

Looking to his right he saw the bouncer from earlier. Without his gruff exterior and leather jacket, Derek realized he was actually pretty cute. And that scared him.

After finally loosening up and getting a few drinks, Derek started to play into his flirting. The guy introduced himself as Danny, and figuring he would need some anonymity, Derek introduced himself as “Miguel.” They talked back and forth about the factory building of all things, until Danny finally made a move.

“So what am I gonna have to do to suck you off?” Derek was completely taken aback. When he and Stiles were starting up it took Stiles almost a month to kiss Derek, they didn’t even have sex until they’d been together for three months. They had been all about taking it slow to make sure things were actually working and not being forced. When they decided to move away together, it was because they thought that nothing was wrong, that everything was coming up roses.

But sitting here, with this complete stranger salivating over him, Derek’s only real thought was about how very unlike Stiles he was. Dark skin, darker hair, a clean cut style, with the ability to have a conversation without some witty retort every few seconds. The liquor was telling him that it was fitting for Derek to get back at Stiles with such an incredibly different person. So he started to melt. The cracks in Dereks facade widened into chasms, until it slowly came crumbling down.

 

 

As Danny was pressing him against the wall in the half-lit bathroom of the club, Derek was taken aback by how impossible it all seemed. He hadn’t even known this person four hours ago. But here he was, exploring his mouth and tasting the smell of alcohol on his tongue, grinding into him as if his life depended on it. His lips were rougher than Stiles’, as if he made a nervous habit of biting them. And his tongue was far more explorative, it was more like jousting than making out. Eventually Danny broke away, and locked the door with a key from his ring. “They understand that we sometimes end up hooking up, so they don’t want us to get in any trouble. It’s bad for business.”

This struck Derek. For the first time in years he was hooking up. He thought that he had left that entire life behind him when he fell in love with Stiles. He figured the next time he had sex in a bathroom it would be during a dinner with their friends at a fancy restaurant. But with a stranger in a disgusting hole in a factory made nightclub? But as Danny ripped his own shirt open to reveal a very impressive eight-pack, Derek’s last inhibition dissolved.

“So. Am I fucking you or…?” Derek had only ever bottomed for Stiles a few times. It was hot, but he didn’t find it especially pleasing. More pain than pleasure since it was such a rarity. But something in the back of his mind said that he should do this. So Derek shook his head yes. He was scared out of his mind that he was even doing this, and the idea of being fucked in the ass made it even worse. But as Danny began to pull down the capris, he more than willing let him suck him off. It was good. Danny clearly had experience. Derek grabbed him by the hair and fucked his face. Danny was squeezing his balls while he gagged on his cock. Even after everything with Stiles the other day, it had still been more than two months since he’d had even semi-regular sex. “Fuck, I’m close, stop now.” Danny pulled away and stared up at him. Fuck it was hot. Stiles used to do that.

He trailed up Derek’s body and started to kiss him again. Derek could taste his own dick on Danny, but he kept making out with him. He pulled apart and looked him dead in the eye. “Well? Aren’t you going to fuck me?” Danny laughed and backed up, undoing his belt and yanking his pants off over his shoes. He wasn’t wearing any underwear, and Derek was struck by how different his cock was from Stiles. He was shorter, maybe five or six inches, and much thinner. But he was still powerful. And his muscles rippled all the way down. Seeing his ass, Derek suddenly wished that he had asked to be the top. He wasn’t shaved, but wasn’t wild either. It was surprising for Derek to see someone naked besides himself or Stiles. Even before him and Stiles, when Derek would hook up, it was quick and involved most of the clothes staying on. But apparently Danny insisted on seeing everything.

“I’ve got a condom, so don’t worry, but there isn’t any lube.” Derek swallowed hard. “I guess you’ll have to do something about that.” Danny smiled. He took Derek by the side and physically turned him around, shoving him forward until he had both hands above his head, holding him to the wall. Danny grasped his ass in both hands, and slid his thumbs in between the cheeks. Forcing them apart, Danny lunged forward and started rimming.

Derek moaned. Stiles had never done this for him. He was too freaked out about it. As Danny’s tongue swished around his ass, Derek thought of the one time he had rimmed Stiles. It had been amazing, but it ended up being tainted with the fact that Stiles’ dad walked in on them. To many hot memories ended that way. But these were new memories being made, and Derek was adamant that he stay in the present with the hot guy currently eating out his ass.

“Fuck, how the hell are you doing that?” Derek could feel Dannys tongue dancing across his balls and sending jolts of electricity across his skin, and there were fingers hitting spots on the back of his thighs. “Erotic Massage” he replied “comes in quite handy.” Derek and Stiles tried that once. It ended with Stiles playing with the massage jelly and the two of them trying to wrestle completely covered in the stuff. No! Stay in the present. Danny had stuck a finger into Derek’s ass, stretching him for the pounding that was coming. His fingers weren’t long, but when added a second Derek gasped. The stretching burned ever so slightly, but it was nice burn.

 

 

The first time that Stiles and Derek kissed was like this. An intensely personal moment in the worst possible place. The day that Stiles finally kissed Derek, it was after he had been attacked by someone who was trying to burn down the school. Covered in gasoline, Derek had stripped in the back of Stiles’ jeep to try and get into some different clothes. But none of Stiles shirts fit over Derek’s shoulders, and Stiles’ skinny jeans would never make it over Derek’s thighs. He was starting to freak out so Stiles pulled over to the side of the road. It was late at night so the road was deserted, and they were alone for the first time in about a week.

“Derek I swear to god if you don’t make up your mind about something today I am going to climb over this seat and beat the shit out of you.” Derek laughed. “Maybe I want you too.” He winked at Stiles in the mirror and he whipped around to look Derek in the eye. “Oh believe me, I would love to climb over but the fact that your butt naked and drenched in a flammable liquid means that any sparks could be hazardous to my health.

Derek laughed again and took Stiles’ hand in his over the top of the seat. A look of nervousness crossed Stiles face, breaking the mask of bravado that had always endured. Derek rarely ever saw Stiles vulnerable, but he was pretty sure that that was what he had just witnessed. He took his gaze away and was trying to look for something to cover up with Stiles grabbed his face in his hands. He was forced back to a face to face position. Derek had never really looked at Stiles’ eyes until then. They were a beautiful caramel color, with veins of chocolaty brown ensnaring the iris. It was like all Derek’s favorite desserts had been blended into one beautiful liquid pool.

“Derek. I know we’ve been taking it slow because we’ve been really nervous about everything. But...I just need to…” Stiles trailed off and stared for a moment before he smashed his lips in Dereks. Taken aback Derek was wide eyed, so he could see the all the muscles of Stiles’ face relax as he gave into his craving. So Derek gave in to. He pushed back against Stiles and felt the heat radiating off of his lips. They had been “together” for about a month. Derek had spent a lot of time looking at Stiles, but he had never realized what it would be like to feel him, to smell him.

The skin of his face was smooth, and Derek could smell the ivory soap that he must have used that morning. While weaving his hands through his hair, Derek realized that the shaggy mess must be manufactured, because he could feel what seemed like bobby pins. Stiles breath was short and quick, and he could taste peppermint on his breath, which made him wonder if Stiles had been preparing for this kiss. Between the mashing of their lips, Derek marveled at how incredibly soft they were, soft but full, and yet there was a tiny spot on the left side of his mouth where the skin was raw from Stiles constantly biting at it in an apparent attempt to give Derek an eternal erection.

The kiss had started very slow and sweet, but as they sat there over the seat Derek was overcome with the desire for more. He tilted his head ever so slightly, and Stiles got the hint. Their lips parted and the tongues came out to play. Stiles clearly liked to explore. He would dart and jab, trying to coax Derek out, while Derek was content to slowly navigate this new unexplored region. Stiles was starting to climb over the seat when Derek broke away, putting up a hand to stop him.

“Hey! Remember the sparks, wouldn’t want us both to go out in a blaze of glory.” Stiles laughed. “Fuck that, after all of our failed dates I want more of this.” He was halfway over the seat, when his belt loop caught on something and he was stopped, his ass protruding into the air. Derek pushed away, suddenly aware of his massive erection and utter nakedness, and watched as Stiles struggled under his own weight. Grabbing a blanket from the back, he wrapped as much as he could, and pulled. The pants gave at the button and Stiles was literally propelled out of his jeans. The sight of Stiles’ oh-so-tight boxer-briefs was too much and Derek started to laugh again.

Stiles jumped up off the floor, and smacked his head on the ceiling of the car. Rubbing a rapidly forming bump he looked at Derek and started to giggle. “What?” he asked innocently. Derek cupped his face in his hands and leaned in to give him a light brush of the lips, enough to tantalize but not to provide release. “Oh Stiles, this is so not the time or place for what is going on, and I am certainly not dressed for the occasion. Stiles laughed and they sat there, looking into each others eyes, memorizing every facet of the others face. They were about to lean in again when there was a flash of red and blue police lights behind them.

“Shit! It’s my dad, HIDE!” Scrambling over the seat Stiles fell into the drivers side and fumbled at his pants. He somehow managed to put them on backwards, which of course looked completely ridiculous. Derek stuffed his clothing under the seat and rolled onto the floor, covering himself with the blanket. Just as Stiles was re-buckling his seatbelt, Sheriff Stilinski tapped his flashlight on the window. Derek heard the sounds of it being rolled down and then an exacerbated sigh from outside of the car.

“Stiles. What the hell are you doing out here all alone?” Stiles started to fumble. “Well...I, uh. I was just going for a midnight ride and...well...I was struck by how beautiful the full moon looked and...stopped.” Another sigh. “Stiles get home. Now.” Stiles coughed. “Yes Sir.” He was starting to roll the window back up when he heard the Sheriff tell him to wait. “By the way Stiles, you can tell Derek that dish soap and baking soda can get gasoline stains out of clothing.”

 

They had spent the entire rest of the night laughing their asses off and making out like teenagers. They even got Dereks pants back to wearable condition. Sure he could only really wear them around the house now, but it was better than nothing. Derek had brought that pair of pants with them when they went to Seattle, and when he couldn’t find them unpacking that afternoon, he realized that he must have left them somewhere in the apartment. It seemed so odd that even a pair of stained jeans that anyone else would throw away could bring Derek to tears, but they did.

 

Derek suddenly became aware of the fact that Danny was fucking him. And not gently. Drops of blood were falling down his right palm from where his nails had cut the skin from his grip. The overwhelming feeling of being full was being overpowered by an all intensive burning that came with essentially being fucked dry. Tears that had nothing to do with the jeans started to gather in Derek’s eyes, and he couldn’t stop thinking of the first time he had ever gotten an indian sunburn. This was kind of like that, except over and over and much much worse.

Trying to overcome the pain, Derek tried to concentrate on the fact that Danny was managing to hit that sweet spot inside of him. Every few times Danny pushed in, he hit a spot that made Derek’s entire body twitch. Focusing on that, he took his own cock in his hand and started to pump. Pretty soon the feeling of burning was slowly subsiding, and something akin to pleasure began to take hold. But for some reason Derek was still crying. He realized what he was doing, giving something so intensely personal to a complete stranger in a disgusting urine soaked bathroom in an abandoned warehouse at a rave.

He lay against the wall, a battle raging inside his head. He had long since came, forcing himself to climax in an attempt to get this over and done with. When Danny finally finished with a resounding grunt, he collapsed to the floor with his back against the wall.

He watched Danny get dressed and unlock to door. Just as he was about to leave he turned. “Hey, this was fun. Just remember to bring the key to the door.” He turned the lock again and closed the door, leaving Derek alone, sobbing on the floor of the bathroom.

 

After finally getting his clothing back on, he twisted the key and stumbled out of the bathroom. He was making his way for the exit when he ran straight into Lydia. “Hey! Where have you been, I’ve been looking for you for like, half an hour!” He looked her in the eye and her face fell. She must have seen the tears. “What happened? Are you okay?” Derek choked back a sob and managed to spout back, “I need to go home.” They took a side exit and got in Lydia’s car and made their way back to Derek’s loft.

 


	4. This is a Test

Derek spent much of the next two months drunk off his ass. He woke up at noon in time for rum and coke. Lunch was vodka, and dinner schnapps. He watched his bank account slowly drain like the until he was sucking out every penny like the last drop in the bottle. Scott had all but stopped speaking with him, and the ache to do something stupid was driving him insane.

What happened at the club had scared him, but more importantly it had scarred him. Scarred him in a way that made him feel dirty and wrong. Stiles had been the only person in his life for so long. He had made him feel like he was good and whole. Baring all for some stranger had torn down the illusion that Derek was a good guy. Before Stiles there had been many guys. Derek had been involved in some really bad stuff. He had gotten into drugs, petty street crime, and not to mention his stint as a violent vigilante after the fire. He had made some unfathomably stupid decisions

But then Scott came along like an angel from the dark. He had been a sort of friend who convinced him to start to turn his entire life around. And when Scott had introduced him to Stiles he felt something he hadn’t felt since before his family died. The desire to look good in another persons eyes. He quit the drugs cold turkey, and cleaned up his act, getting a job and an apartment and finally earning the money that was due to him from the fire.

Now without Stiles to make him want to stay in the light, he had sunk back to the darkness where he started. He was spending next to no time in his apartment, since it reminded him of Stiles. He didn’t talk to his friends because they all reminded him of Stiles. When he was sober he was thinking about Stiles. When he was drunk he was thinking of Stiles, only it hurt a little less. So he decided being drunk whenever he wasn’t asleep was a great way to deal with all the pain. He knew that there was one little powdery friend that would help him forget completely for a little while, but even in his drunken stupor he was still to scared about the slippery slope that that life entailed.

Lately the voice of reason inside his head had taken on a much more sarcastic tone. He couldn’t help but imagine an angelic Stiles standing on his shoulder, draped in a white toga with big feathery wings, arguing with the leather clad bondage devil on the other side. When he was drunk enough to pass out he usually had some very interesting fantasies about them. But that took a lot of drinking.

 

It took a lot of effort to try and keep from going back to some of his old friends. He knew some pretty awful people who would be able to find Stiles in twenty-four hours at most. But that could lead them to use Stiles as a pawn for one vicious deed or another. Right after the fire, Derek had made the mistake of going to them to see if anyone had survived. When they eventually found his Uncle alone and without any memory in a burn ward at a hospital a few towns over, they kidnapped him and peeled the skin off his flesh for fun before bringing him back to Beacon Hills. In return for his safe return, Derek had been forced to agree to do some trafficking of what they called their “product.” The product it turned out, was heroin. It was around that time that he realized the emotional numbing that the drug provided. A dead family tends to leave you with a need to escape.

But to go to them now? There were too many people, innocent people that would be sure to be caught in the crossfire if Derek went back. He couldn’t bare to think of what he would do in Lydia and Jackson got involved in that life. They had been so kind to him since he’d come back to California and to repay that with a mound of trouble seemed unfair. And besides, he wanted Stiles to come back to him willingly, not at gunpoint.

So Derek started making plans by himself. He would write down ideas on cocktail napkins between shots of tequila. He planned out possible leads at the bottom of a beer bottle. Ideas on scouring the different boroughs of New York City, staking out in an apartment by NYU, canvassing the local hangouts and conducting interrogations of anyone who may have known him. Maybe he could get accepted and start taking classes, he certainly qualified for an aid package.

In the back of his mind he know how stalkerish it all sounded. Showing up in New York after Stiles told him that he basically thought they should never see each other again would not go over well. It would just make him run even farther, to somewhere Derek would never find him. And Derek would end up alone again. Staying in California meant that there was still that last incremental chance that Stiles might come home and that they would get back together. Leaving for New York could only push them further apart.

 

Lydia was trying her best, but she couldn’t possibly understand what Derek was going through. When her and Jackson had broken up it hadn’t been up to either one of them. Jackson’s parents enrolled him in an elite British Prep School and forced him across the ocean without consulting his feelings. Derek remembered a lot of kissing and crying when they were separated. And Lydia threw herself into a new relationship. Derek didn’t like to judge considering how he was handling him and Stiles, but Lydia’s remedy was definitely to sleep around. Eventually it worked. She met Aiden and they started to go out. It was getting pretty serious, until Lydia broke it off because he was also seeing someone on the side. By that point she had gotten over Jackson and had made a smooth transition to from sorrow to rage.

But then Jackson came back. He purposefully getting himself kicked out of school so he’d have to go back to California. He’d immediately gone to Lydia, and they started up again and within the year they were engaged. Derek was best man at the wedding, and he never remembered seeing anyone more in love than them on that day. Thinking back it only made him feel sick.

Thinking about it only made Derek more depressed. Which led to more drinking. The bottle had helped to seal up the scars that other men made as they tore his facade apart. He had been with more men in the past few months than in his entire life, which was definitely saying something considering how  he had been before Stiles. And he hadn’t found anyone that could get Stiles out of his head. Literally, there were crazy hot men fucking him on almost a nightly basis and he would still see Stiles while they fucked him, hear his voice while they screamed, and fall against them murmuring his name.

 

Eventually it all caught up to him. He had met a guy at one of the local gay bars while trolling for guys who looked like Stiles. He was cute, with freckles and shaggy brown hair. His voice was nothing like the liquid caramel coated silver tongue of his love, but his tongue certainly got the job done. The one night stand seemed perfect, until he got a text from him a few days later.

“Hey, just a heads up, I just had to go in for an HIV test. Thought I should let you know.”

 

A thousand things rushed through Dereks mind. The usual fear and dread. Thoughts of how if he was positive this was basically the end of his life. But when the initial shock cleared he immediately thought of how it would affect him and Stiles. Him and Stiles. As if there was such a thing anymore. If he was positive, Stiles could find out, and the last few pathetic months would be his for the viewing. No matter what he did, it still felt like cheating.

So he told Lydia. She didn’t take it well. “Why the FUCK would you think it’s okay to go bareback. Didn’t you fucking go to high school? They may preach abstinence at first but they at least let you fucking know about condoms. And you’re a fucking ADULT Derek! How could you be so stupid!” She spent a good hour screaming at him. When she finally stopped she started to cry.

“Lydia, it’s me we’re talking about not you!” He put his arm around her and she fell into him giving him what in Lydia’s world would be a rib-crushing hug. “I know, but I’m just so scared! What if it’s positive!” He looked down at the ground and sighed. “Honestly I haven’t thought about that.” Lie. “I just think that we’re going to have to take this one day at a time.”

So they made an appointment together. He went to his doctor and had blood drawn and they sent it out for testing. Then there was a two day wait. The doctor explained that they would run the test twice since it was such a serious disease. He calmly accepted it, and went to the waiting room to pick up Lydia. She was buried in a mountain of pamphlets outlining any possible result as well as how to accept a positive result. The thought of forty-eight hours was suddenly suffocating.

 

He stepped out of the office and into the tacky waiting room. He went to reach for the door and the world started to spin. It felt like Derek’s ribs were pushing into his lungs. Stars started to swirl in front of his eyes, and he felt his breath failing to catch. The lights were fading and everything was getting fuzzy. As if from underwater, he could hear Lydia’s voice asking him if he was all right. He tried to respond but he couldn’t make any sound. The world fell out from beneath him. He felt his knees hit the ground and felt the jolt through his body. He doubled over and vomited. The violently acid bile stung his nose and throat and he was shocked into breathing. The smell made him feel even worse.

He could feel hands on his back, pushing him towards a bathroom. Still feeling faint and having trouble breathing, he vaguely registered that someone was holding his hair as he hurled. When he finally came away from the toilet bowl he felt faint and started to black out. He could see someone taking off his clothes. When he finally passed out he was sure that it was Stiles.

 

Waking up he learned that it was actually Lydia. He was at her and Jackson’s house and he was somehow in scrubs. She must have gotten him out of his clothes and showered him. The idea that Lydia had seen him naked made him slightly uncomfortable, but he had much bigger problems to think about. He was fuzzy, but wasn’t sick anymore. He turned to his left and saw Jackson asleep in a chair, with Lydia curled up to his right. He started to move, and her eyes shot open.

“Hey. How are you feeling.” His mouth tasted like dog. “Okay. I think. How did I get here.” A smile crept across her face. “Well, if it will soothe your wounded ego than I can tell you that I called Jackson. But the truth is that I dragged you to the car myself.” Derek could feel the blush staining his cheeks. “Surprisingly it wasn’t to hard. But the shower was a bit of a shock. When did you lose so much weight?” The question was hard to answer. Derek had never been especially large, but he always had muscular weight. Over the last few months, drink, insomnia, and lack of appetite had caused him to drop almost twenty pounds.

He closed his eyes for a moment and felt a traitorous tear squeeze out from between his eyelids. Opening them, he could see Lydia honing in for another hug. So he endure it. She squeezed until he started to sob. And she held him while he cried. But it was wrong. The feel of her long red hair draped across his face was not what he craved. He wanted to run his fingers through a tousled brown mane and smell the old spice shampoo that Stiles loved. He wanted to feel his biceps flex as he squeezed, and he wanted to feel his head rest over his heart and hear his breathing sync to his pulse. Lydia didn’t understand why he cried harder.

 

When he woke up later that night alone in that room he almost thought that he had dreamed everything. But the faint smell of Lydia’s floral shampoo made it crystal clear that the episode at the doctors office was only too real. He pushed down the covers and slid off the bed. He crept over to the window and unlocked the latch. Slowly raising it, he looked out over the cookie cutter condominiums that was the Martin’s neighborhood. Everyone exactly alike. Derek didn’t belong here. In this world of order and perfect execution, Derek stood out like a beacon. He decided that his screwed up life was already too much of a burden to impose on others so he lifted his leg up over the windowsill. He crept down the roof and jumped into the perfectly manicured hedge beneath him.

He got up and dusted himself off, pulling twigs out of the scrubs and eventually scrapping the shirt, throwing it towards the outline of Lydias car. He looked back at the bush and realized that it was a gonner. Whatever, Jackson could use his piles of money to pay a landscaper to plant a new one and six more to match. Hopefully they’d realize that he stood up and walked away and that he wasn’t alone and dying in a ditch somewhere, not that that sounded to bad. Taking off at a jog he headed into the darkness and towards the forest. He had made up his mind. It was time for Derek to go home.

 


	5. Reputation Stained

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise that this is going to be the last dark one for a while. Possible Triggers for violence and drug abuse.

The cold air ripping through his lungs made him feel more alive than he had in weeks. The pain in his gut centered him and kept him grounded to his task. He made the familiar trek to the shell of his family’s burned out home, deep in the woods. It had been almost three years since he had even been near the house. Going back seemed pointless, like visiting the graves. There was nothing that he could do to change it so why be reminded

He ran into the clearing and saw the moonlight bathing the broken down house in a ghostly white glow. How fitting it seemed. The roof sagged in a few crucial placed, and there seemed to be no more unbroken windows. An odd spidery triangle had been scratched into the front door. But it was definitely still the same house. Derek could almost see him and his sister swinging on the tire swing in the front yard.

He shoved the thought out of his mind. He knew that remembering did nothing but make the loss fresh. So he thought about his prize. The small door in the basement that opened into an even smaller closet. Something probably used to store moonshine during prohibition. Now it held a package that Derek had hidden the day that he met Stiles. A tiny box, with an even tinier pouch inside. And the glorious white powder.

 

As he walked back through the woods, he thought of where he should go. He hadn’t planned to stay at the house. Lydia’s was out. His apartment would work. Once the drugs kicked in he wouldn’t even remember who Stiles was, let alone the pain that their shared space brought him. So he headed there. He had to break open the door since his keys were in his pants back at Lydia’s. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was breaking in despite it being his department. He pushed the door close and moved a chair against the door.

He went into the kitchen and threw the package onto the counter. He could smell Stiles’ cologne in the air and almost gagged. He ripped open the ziplock bag and pulled out the balloon. He could already feel himself being pulled into the old routine. He ripped it open and spilled the precious contents onto the counter. As he leaned forward he thought of all the reasons that he shouldn’t be doing this. He thought of Stiles and what he would think. How he would look at him with disgust and contempt. That he would never want to even look at him for breaking the promise he made to him. He slammed his fists on the table and kicked the chair out of his way. He stalked to the fridge and grabbed a six pack of beer and started to chug.

 

When he woke up he was cold and alone. He wasn’t in his apartment anymore. The pale blue sky was streaked with the light orange light from dawn. He could smell dirt and trees and something dead. He realized that was probably him. At some point he had changed into clothing other than the scrub pants, and could feel the familiar ache in his bones. He had no clue what he had done in the night, but it must have been very bad. Crimson blood stained his black boots and he could see bruises dotting his pale skin like flowers painted on canvas.

As he made his way back into town, he didn’t sense anything was wrong. The blackouts had been happening more and more often when he drank, and he always spent the first hour or so after re-awakening trying to find out what he had done in the alcohol fueled haze. They had never lasted this long though, usually only like a nap. But all night? That could not be good.

As he passed by a bodega downtown he saw a newspaper and realized how right he was. A blurry image of what could only be Derek was splashed across the front page with the headline in bold, “Harbinger Strikes Again!” He grabbed it out of the rack and read quickly through the article. Apparently a young woman was being accosted at a dumpster at work and a man in leather had come out of nowhere and saved her...by putting one man in surgery and the other in a partial body cast. He could feel the blood on his boots and realized he had to get back to the apartment.

When he got there there was police tape. And standing talking to his neighbor was none other than Sheriff Stilinski, Stiles’ father. He tried to duck away but the brief moment of eye contact was enough to send the Sheriff hurtling through the crowd trying to catch up to him. He could hear him yelling his name. He realized his keys were in his pocket, so he jumped into the camaro and peeled out of the parking lot. He could see him in the rearview mirror standing still as he grew smaller and smaller.

 

He parked the car in the clearing outside the Hale house. The road hadn’t been cleared in years so it was quite a difficult task to try and get here. He had to force the door open and almost tripped on a tree growing through the floorboards. There were beer cans scattered around what had once been his living room, and what looked like a bong. He felt sick that his families home had been degraded like this. But of course what Derek was doing wasn’t much better.

He went out back and started up the spigot. Amazingly, it still had running water from the well. He washed the blood and dirt from his boots and gulped the crystal water feverishly. He didn’t hear the other car pull up behind him, or the door open. He almost didn’t hear the boots hit the leaves. Almost. He whipped around and was suddenly face to face with a gun. And behind the barrel was a very angry Sheriff. He went to move but the grip on the gun suddenly got tighter. “Now, now Derek. I think that it would be best if you didn’t make any sudden moves.”

 

Lydia posted bail. The sheriff had kept him in the interrogation room all day and into the night. He had run the gambit from asking “Why is there drug paraphernalia in your apartment?” and “Why is there blood in the camaro” “Why have you disappeared from society?” And as he was walking out in handcuffs the Sheriff stopped him. He leaned in and in a hushed tone asked, “What happened between you and Stiles.” The last question had been the one he had been waiting for. And he answered it the same way he answered all the other ones. “I don’t know.”

 

As Lydia drove back to the house Derek could feel the rage flying off her in waves. She had been completely silent at the station and had remained steadfast through the car ride. Derek had tried to talk but everytime he opened his mouth she turned and gave him an icy stare. When the got back, Derek opened the door and stepped onto the pavement. He made his way around the car and met Lydia at the door. Still fuming she clicked the lock and walked inside.

When the latch was closed on the door Lydia let forth a scream that could have shattered glass. Derek clutched at his ears while she starting throwing insults and swears at him. Things along the lines of how selfish he was and how he couldn’t be trusted and how he had finally screwed up his life for good. He turned and ran. He bolted out the door with Lydia still screaming at him about court dates and test results. But it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was that Derek had to find a way to stop the pain.

 

About a week later he was lying in a ditch downtown after being tossed out of a bar for fighting, when he heard someone screaming. Sitting up from the puddle he’d fallen down in, he scanned the area looking for the source of the noise. About twenty yards away, under a streetlamp, a guy in black was stealing some woman’s purse. Derek’s mind told him that he was to drunk, but his legs picked him up and took off running. He made it just as the mugger shoved the woman down to the ground. He grabbed him by the arm before he could make his escape.

The man turned around and Derek was struck by his vivid blue eyes peering through a black ski mask. “Get lost man, you have no idea what you’re doing.” He tried to break free but Derek only tightened his grip. “Go ahead and pull buddy, I know how to dislocate your arm without even moving mine.” A look of worry crossed the muggers face but he pulled anyway. “Oh that was a bad idea.” He tugged ever so slightly and the man screamed, his knees hitting the ground. He looked up and a look of hate flashed across his ice blue eyes.

“What did I tell you, you shouldn’t have tried.” Derek laughed and twisted the arm an inch more, feeling the pop as the joint dislocated at the shoulder. The mugger screamed and tried pulling away, only making the pain worse. Kneeling down, he took the purse from his other hand and tossed it behind him. Spinning his head around he snarled at the woman to run. She was staring at Derek in horror, and grabbed the purse and took off running into the night. He was turning back to the mugger when something hit him from behind.

Dropping the muggers now useless arm, he whirled to face his attacker. A man dressed in an identical black ski mask was holding a pipe with which he had struck Derek across the back with. His shoulder screamed out in pain. Derek could feel it wasn’t broken or displaced, but it wouldn’t feel good in the morning. He lunged at the second man and caught him around the waist, sending them both tumbling across the road. Taking a dominant position on top, knees pressed into the guys rib cage, Derek started to punch. His fist connected with this stranger's face once, twice, ten times. Blood coated his features and Derek could hear him screaming. He stopped for an instant and saw a look of primal fear in this pitiful mans eyes. He was starting to get up when he heard a deafening bang. A blinding pain ripped through his stomach.

Looking down, he could see a small red spot, about the size of a quarter. Slowly, it started to grow, and Derek could feel warm blood seeping down his stomach. The mugger seized the opportunity and shoved Derek to the side, crawling out from under him and stumbling to his feet. Looking over Derek saw the original thug holding a handgun that was still smoking. He felt at the wound and realized that it didn’t hurt. That definitely wasn’t a good sign.

Before he blacked out he could see the outline of a woman. Maybe the same one from before. But as the sounds were getting muddier and the lights started to fade, all he could hear with the pealing bell of Stiles’ laughter.


	6. Halloween

“Thanks for letting me move in Derek, it means a lot.” Stiles was carrying his last box up to Dereks third floor walkup. They had gotten really close over the last few months, and when Stiles had asked to stay at his place, Derek offered to make it a permanent thing. Stiles still wouldn’t say why he wanted to move out, but Derek was a good friend and didn’t pry. Instead, he happily volunteered to help move. He wasn’t bringing much, just some clothes and a few things to remind him of home, but somehow it still took all day to move. It was a testament to their friendship, they couldn’t go ten minutes without doing something stupid to make the other one laugh.

“It’s fine, I’m all alone in this apartment anyway, and it’ll be nice to split the rent.” Stiles smiled. They hadn’t ironed out everything, but Derek was excited. It had been a very long time since he had been close to anyone, since his family really, and he was getting used to being able to talk to someone. It was much nicer than self medicating and falling down drunk in a ditch. “So what should we do to celebrate your newfound freedom?”

Stiles frowned, “Nothing that means having to go out, I just want to stay home and marathon some movies.” Derek laughed. He walked over to his DVD collection and picked out The Breakfast Club. “Then I have the perfect one to start with.”

 

They had a lot of fun that summer, to much really. They started to get more involved in the seedy underside of Beacon Hills and started to volunteer their time to Allison and her father to catch the big bad guys lurking in the dark, but this time with much less bloodshed than before. Derek never told them, but the people they were going after just happened to be the same people who had not only killed his entire family, but had warped him and twisted him into working for them. They were the ones who got him hooked on drugs and had almost gotten him killed. But because of all that he had met Scott and the Stiles, so his life had seemingly come full circle.

It was after they had busted a drug den that had been hiding out in the warehouse district that the real truth came out. It had been one of his haunts when he was in the darker place and keeping the knowledge that he had under his hat while also helping to expose them was one of the harder things he had had to do in a while. But he had made it through. They had found all the evidence they needed, turned it over anonymously to the sheriff’s department, and pre-empted the strike by attacking and rounding up everyone involved in the den.

But afterward, as their little posse of sorts was standing behind the police tape watching the men being loaded into the police vans, one of the guys regained consciousness. As he was being put in the car, he managed to turn enough to see Derek. And Derek recognized him. It was Deucalion, or at least thats what people called him. He was an “upper level thug” of sorts, basically responsible for all the drug distribution in the county.

He tried to duck out of sight behind the police cars, but it was too late. His onetime friend was already shouting at the top of his lungs. “YOU MISSED ONE! HE’S RIGHT OVER THERE!” Derek could here a wild, high pitched laugh.. “COME ON DEREK! SHOW YOURSELF!”

 

When Stiles got back to the apartment Derek already had a beer in his mouth, chugging the stale drink halfway to being drunk. The door swung open and the look on Stiles’ face made Derek feel even worse. “Derek?” He turned towards the window and finished the beer. “Derek!” Stiles lurched forwards and grabbed him by the shoulder. “Derek, what the hell did that guy mean?” Derek grabbed another beer from beside him. He had been thinking of a lie to try and tell Stiles but all of the webs he had crafted were suddenly cleared from his mind.

“He meant exactly what he said.” Derek felt the will to hide drain from his body. Stiles sat down on the sofa to Derek’s left. Putting his head in his hands Derek started to tell him the story.

 

After the fire, everything had hit the fan. He had lost every connection he had, and family at that time had been the only truly important thing to Derek. Losing his Mother was especially hard. Talia had been the only force in his life strong enough to bend his will, to make him see that he was more than just a boy, that he could be something and make a difference in the world. He had been closer to her than anyone. Her death almost killed him. He wasn’t even twenty years old and he was completely alone in the world. So he started to get desperate. He kept thinking that maybe someone had survived. He had heard about some guys who were supposedly capable of finding anyone. That’s when he first went to see Decalion.

It took surprisingly little to find this man who was so wanted by the police. Derek had been asking around town about what people referred to as “The Pack.” When the pointed him in the direction of an abandoned distillery, Derek had expected the stereotypical 1920s bootleggers. But he was completely surprised to see a complete business operation. He was even more surprised when a man clamped his hand over his mouth and shoved him into the open space.

“Say anything and you’re dead. Are you a cop?” Derek shook his head no. “Are you wired?” Another no. “Then what the fuck do you think that you're doing here?” He took his hand away and shoved Derek into the light. Suddenly all around him very evil looking men with various weapons turned from their work to back up the gruff looking man staring back at him.

“I need help.” They laughed. “No, please. I need you to find someone for me. I think that a relative of mine may be…lost somewhere.” The man took a step towards him, lifting a knife as he stepped. “Please. I don’t mean any harm. I just want to find him.”

“You best not be lying punk.”

 

It took them all of three days to find his Uncle Peter. There had been some evidence at the house that someone had made it out alive, but everyone told Derek that it was just wishful thinking. So when he got the call saying that something had turned up, he was ecstatic. But the ecstasy was quickly replaced by horror. When he got to the distillery he found his Uncle Peter, burned and broken, tied up and gagged. He still had a hospital gown on and an IV tube was dangling from his arm. Derek took a step towards him and the group of men emerged from the shadows blocking his path.

“What are you doing to him! He needs to be in a hospital, why did you bring him here!” The man broke through the throng and stepped in front of Peter. “He was in a hospital, but we broke him out. And now if you want him to make it back to that hospital alive you’re going to do something for us.”

“Are you crazy! I asked you to help him not kill him!” Derek reached for his phone, but was hit in the side of the head before he could even dial. Dazed and disoriented, he looked and saw a brick lying besides him on the ground. He tried to get up, but was shoved back down by the man’s foot on his chest.

“You’re not going to be able to stop us.”

 

“So I started working for them. It was little things at first, grabbing a purse, moving some things across town. But it started to get bigger and bigger. At one point they had me transport a shipment of heroin across state lines. I almost got busted and had to make a break for it. They lost the drugs, and for payback broke my leg. Pretty soon after that I started trying to product, and it wasn’t long before I was hooked on the stuff. I got to a really bad place, and was basically almost dead. The last job I did was a mugging, and the target was Allison. They knew that her and her father were responsible for a bunch of busts, so they had me steal her phone. They figured that it had some info they could use for their advantage. So I did. And Scott found me at that warehouse.”

“ But then why didn’t he say anything to us! Didn’t he know?”

“No! I never told him why I took the phone, he just assumed it was so I could sell it or something. When he found me I had just overdosed so he took me to the hospital. After I got clean he and his Mom took me in and gave me something I hadn’t had in a really long time. A family. They took care of me and made sure that I stayed clean, and then they introduced me to you and Lydia and Jackson and everything got better. I didn’t want the drugs and I wanted to turn my life around so I did!” I got the job at the Animal Shelter with Scott, I got this apartment, and I started helping out with Allison as sort of a penance.”

Stiles stood up. He walked towards the kitchen and grabbed the beers that Derek had take out of the fridge. Before he could do anything, he popped the top and started to pour them down the drain. Derek jumped up and ran at Stiles. “Hey! I was gonna drink that!”

“No, no you aren’t. You are not going to be allowed to drink alone ever again. Because you might do something stupid and I’m not going to be able to live with myself if that happens.” The look of pure concern on Stiles’ face was weird. His mother was the only one who had ever looked at him like that. And it awakened something inside him. He wasn’t sure, but he felt like something had changed in their relationship, something had changed. And he wasn’t entirely sure yet if it was for the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happiness is going to be happening for a little while, so enjoy it while it lasts.


	7. Something There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure you read Halloween first, I got inspired and wrote late into the night last night.

After that Stiles started going complete mother hen on him, which was nice, but it started to scare Derek. Because, he was really liking it. He liked knowing that Stiles was going to call him at lunch to ask how his day was going. He liked knowing that they were going to have dinner every night and talk about stupid things. If Derek had a bad day, Stiles would always be there to hear about it. Having someone that he could be this close to was something he really really liked.

But like some cruel twist of fate, just as things were looking up for Derek, Stiles’ life took a turn for the worst. His Dad had a heart attack. And it was bad. The doctors weren’t sure if he was going to make it. Derek went to the hospital with him and was struck by how old the Sheriff looked. Sure he wasn’t a young guy, but he had never thought of him as being old. Stiles definitely didn’t take it well. He had lost his mom when he was really young and for most of his life his Dad had been the only one there for him. After they visited the first time, Stiles stayed up the entire night crying. So Derek sat up with him, he just sat there with his arm around him, not sure of what to say but knowing that he had to be there.

As the days passed, the sheriffs condition only got worse. The doctors said that he had a series of mini heart attacks that had forced the doctors to induce a coma to keep the strain on his heart down. And Stiles was having a tough time dealing with it all. He had moved back into his room at his Dads house so he could keep an eye on the place, and Derek had followed, taking the place on the couch. Scott had offered, but Stiles refused. Derek was the only one who really knew what it was like to lose everyone so he didn’t take no for an answer, sitting alone in your own self pity could be a dangerous thing. So he was the one to run up the stairs when Stiles would wake up screaming. He wrapped his arms around him to keep him from running into the night. He fell asleep still with one arm around him so he would know that he wasn’t alone.

Eventually Derek just starting sleeping in one of the chairs in Stiles’ room and when the nightmares started he climbed into bed and held him. After a few minutes, Derek would feel Stiles relax, and he would sleep the night through. In the morning, neither one of them would talk about it, but Derek knew that something in their relationship was different, and neither one of them could grasp what it was. After dropping Stiles off at the hospital for a family only meeting, Derek decided that he needed to talk to someone. So he made plans with Allison.

 

“So you think that he’s uncomfortable because of it?” They were sipping coffees in the local coffee house, and Derek had just finished recounting the circumstances of the last few days. She had seemed unsurprised about Stiles’ condition as a whole, and was even less surprised by the fact that Derek had taken it upon himself to care for him. “I think that maybe you’re thinking too much, because he seems more likely to be freaked out about his dad. Just keep doing what you’re doing and if he says something thats when you should worry.”

Derek sighed. He had been looking for some validation, for someone to say that whatever he thought he was feeling was wrong. “But the thing is...I just don’t know how to say it...I think that maybe everything is too much for me…” Allison looked surprised. “I mean, I feel like something is changing in me and I’m not sure if I’m supposed to do anything.”

“Derek, are you trying to say what I think you’re trying to say?” She had put down her coffee and was wearing a look of genuine concern. “That is to say...do you have feelings for Stiles?”

“No! That’s not what I...I mean I don’t think I...I’m not sure of anything anymore…”

“Well then maybe you just need some time to sort it all out, what your feeling could just be platonic, it’s not like these situations don’t arouse some sort of reaction in friends.”

“But it’s Stiles! He’s one of my best friends, I don’t want to screw that up.”

“Well Derek, I’m not entirely sure one way or the other, but I know that you need to just calm down and see where things go for now. If anything happens and you have to talk about it you’ll have to accept that.”

“Sure. Whatever you say.”

 

So Derek tried to keep whatever was going on to himself. But when he climbed into bed with Stiles he couldn’t help but notice that it seemed more right than anything he had done in a long time. He had never been close to anyone romantically. As a teenager he had kept it hidden, thinking it more shameful than something to be proud of. When he had come out to his mother, she had been more than understanding. It was his Uncle Peter that had told him he should hide it. Being gay in a public high school was very difficult, so why would you want to do that to yourself.

Now he was kicking himself for ever believing him. Since the fire Derek hadn’t even thought about anything romantic, he had buried that inside of himself never to see the light of day. Now maybe if he had even tried to understand what was going on inside him he wouldn’t be practically having a panic attack everytime he was face to face with Stiles. And Stiles didn’t make it easy to forget. Maybe it was just how he was, but it seemed like whenever Derek would go to be with him, he would instinctively curl deeper into him, until the two grown men were closer than Derek had been with anyone, ever.

He went to see Lydia, and she didn’t have any advice either. She and Stiles had been friends since they were little, and yet she had no idea what Derek should do. All she managed to say was “I don’t know if Stiles would notice or not, he seems like he doesn’t even see things when it comes to matters of the heart. And that crushed Derek more than anything else before.

 

Almost a week after Stiles dad had been put into a coma, the doctors were finally ready to take him out of it. They started the process of waking him up and told Stiles and Derek that it was now just a waiting game. It could take anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours. They left the room and Derek and Stiles were alone with his dad. “I guess they think he’ll be okay now, they wouldn’t do this if they didn’t think he could take it right?”

Derek wasn’t sure how to answer. “I guess so, but Stiles don’t get too ahead of yourself, he may be out of the woods but he still has a long road ahead of him. Have you thought about what's going to happen after he gets out of the hospital?”

“Yeah, they talked about it at that meeting. Depending on how responsive he is he might have to go into a rehabilitation center for a while, or he might just be able to come straight home. But he will need help for a while, and we can’t afford to hire anyone so I guess it’ll have to be me.” Stiles sat down in the chair next to his father's bed and put his hand on his fathers. A tear rolled down his cheek. “I just don’t know what we’re going to do.”

Derek walked up beside him and put his hand on Stiles’ shoulder. He could feel his body being wracked by sobs as he devolved into a blubbering mess. He was about to try and take Stiles out into the hall when he looked over at the Sheriff. He had opened his eyes and was trying to mouth something. “Stiles! He’s awake!” Stiles raised his head, he eyelashes still wet from the tears. In an instant he had thrown himself onto his father and had wrapped him in a bear hug. Through the sounds of blubbering he managed to quietly say one thing.

“Stiles. Why are you here?”

 

After the doctors had shooed them out of the room to start running their tests, Derek sat Stiles down and asked him what his father had meant. “He seemed so surprised that you would be their, I mean, he had a heart attack why wouldn’t you be?” Stiles wouldn’t meet his gaze. He had seemed different the past week with his dad, Derek had noticed that he seemed to be...guilty or something. He hadn’t wanted to ask, but now it seemed like had to.

“Stiles answer me.”

Stiles looked up into Derek’s eyes and said something he never expected.

“Because I caused his heart attack.”


	8. Masquerade

“The reason that I moved in with you in the first place was because me and my dad had this big fight a while back. It was something that we’d always argued about, even when I was younger, but for some reason it was really bad this time. See, my Dad always knew that I was hiding something from him. I would be really evasive and not give him the complete answer to the questions he would ask. And eventually he started to try and put the pieces together. And I just couldn’t let him do it, because it would ruin the perfect dream he had for my life. He always assumed that because I wasn’t sick like my mom that I would have a much better life than she had. When she was younger she couldn’t live a normal life, and when she met my Dad, he took care of her more than he dated her. Sometimes I think the only reason that they got together was because she got pregnant and he couldn’t bear to leave her alone.”

Stiles had been avoiding what he had said for almost ten minutes now. They were still sitting in  the hallway outside his fathers room, although he had been take to have some scans done to check on his heart. Derek had been letting him talk, figuring that eventually he would get to the point, but that was seeming less and less likely.

“So growing up he would always talk about what it would be like when I met the girl of my dreams and how we would be able to settle down and have a much easier go of it then he and my mom had, without the sickness and fear. And for a long time I knew that I wanted that, if not for myself then for him. Because it was so important to him. But when I started to get a little older it was getting clearer that that wasn’t going to end up happening. But he kept pushing me about it. He wanted me to ask Lydia to the eighth grade dance. He thought that maybe I should see if Allison was interested in me. The he wanted me to test things out with Caitlin or Lydia. And I just got fed up with it. The day I asked you if I could move in I had blown up at him. I screamed at him and told him that he couldn’t control my life and that he would have to accept the fact that it wouldn’t happen like he wanted it to. So he started asking me about what I was hiding and we had this big fight and we ended up arguing about mom and everything and I just stormed out. I didn’t talk to him again until the day he had the heart attack.”

Derek took the seat next to Stiles. He didn’t know what to make of what he was saying, but was starting to think that Stiles didn’t know either. “Wait, so the two of you had an argument? How did that cause his heart attack?”

“Well it was what I said on the day he had it. He called me to see how I was doing. He called me almost everyday, but today I picked up before I saw the caller ID. Before I had even said hello he was already asking me to come home and telling me he was sorry. And I tried to hang up but he told me that he had something important to tell me. But I wouldn’t let him say it, I just...I told him to stop calling and I just hung up. I got a call from our neighbor a few hours later saying that they were taking him to the hospital, and that he had had the heart attack. I just knew that it had to have happened after we talked and when I got here he wasn’t awake. Whenever we came he wasn’t awake and eventually they put him in that coma and it just seemed like I wouldn’t have to face it but now it’s all just happening all at once and I’m going to have to move back home to take care of him and I’m just sick of living a lie. I just want to be able to be free. I’m free when I’m with you Derek, I’ve never felt so safe in all my life. And I don’t think that I ever will again.”

Derek felt like he’d been hit by a truck. In all his wildest dreams he never imagined Stiles saying something like this. And while this wasn’t the most ideal of circumstances for these beautiful words to be coming under, it still made Derek's heart flutter. He put his arm around Stiles and pulled him into a hug. He could feel the tears staining his shirt as Stiles started to sob again. He ran his fingers through his hair and just sat there waiting for him to speak again. When he did it was much more composed than before.

“Derek I need to tell you something. Something really important. I’ve never told anyone, not my Dad, not Lydia, not even Scott. I’ve kept it in for such a long time and I’m sick and tired of it. The last few months with you have made it clear to me that I can be happy and not have this stupid thing hanging over my head. And something just tells me that you’re the one I should tell. Because your my best friend and you’ve been through it all and I just know you can help me through it.”

Somewhere deep inside his brain Derek knew what Stiles what about to say. He wanted to tell him to stop, that it didn’t even need to be said, but he couldn’t make his mouth work. It was as if he was chewing on cotton balls. Because at the same time, he knew that this was going to change anything. It could make Dereks wildest fantasies come true.

“Derek, I’m gay.”

Even though he knew what Stiles was going to say, it still caught him off guard. He felt his mouth drop and couldn’t think of anything to say. He sat there for what felt like an eternity just staring into Stiles’ chocolaty eyes thinking of all the amazing doors this revelation had just opened. He could see the look on Stiles face, the concern and despair at possible being rebuked spreading across his features. And Derek smiled.

“Wait you're smiling I don’t understand what's going on...are you alright?” Derek shook the idiotic grin off his face. He lunged back at Stiles and wrapped him in a rib crushing hug. He could feel him squirming, trying to get away, but Derek just held on tighter. “Derek…Derek I can’t...I can’t breathe.” He released his grip and clasped Stiles by his shoulders.

“Oh Stiles. You big idiot, I could kiss you.”

 

So Stiles talked with his Dad. It was all very Hallmark and poetic, with lots of hugging and crying. As Stiles tried to apologize for ruining the vision his Dad had set out for him, his dad clapped a hand over his mouth. Derek had been standing outside trying to give them some privacy, but could hear what the Sheriff had said to him very clearly. “Stiles. I don’t care if you told me you turned into a wolf on the full moon. You are my son, and I love you. Whatever you’re going to do with your life, I’m going to be so proud and so supportive. So shut up, and get the doctor, because I think when we hugged you pulled out my IV.”

 

Stiles’ father was discharged the next day. The only reason he didn’t leave after he woke up was because the doctors wanted to keep him for observation. And as luck for Stiles would have it, he didn’t need much rehabilitation short of getting him to change his diet and start to exercise. So the week from hell had ended much as it started. Derek and Stiles went back to their apartment after spending dinner eating salads with a very grumpy Sheriff, and marathoned eighties movies. Except now Derek felt an unexpected spark in the air, like the chemistry between them had taken a sharp turn. He wasn’t sure if it was a new lease on life stemming from the almost confrontation with death, or if he was elated over Stiles’ news, but Derek did feel something that had never been there before. Hope. Hope made him feel as though whatever chemistry was brewing between them could actually turn into something real. Hope that made him look forward to spending as much time with Stiles as he could. And he just hoped they wouldn’t blow up before anything happened.


	9. Say Something

The sterile blue of the emergency room was too bright. Allison was sitting alone waiting for some news about Derek. She had gotten a frantic call from Lydia almost an hour ago asking her to come down to the hospital. From what she pieced together he had been shot by some dive bar downtown and Lydia was about to have a breakdown. She had sent her to the cafeteria to try and compose herself and maybe scope out some jello.

She watched as doctor after doctor and hundreds of nurses scurried by from bed to bed attending to patients as social workers and volunteers came to and fro to assure her that everything that could be done was being done. She was ready to go insane when Lydia showed up with some beautiful lime green goodness.

“Have they said anything?” Allison shook her head no as she tried to scoop the peaches into the trash. “There was a social worker that said the police would be here soon, but that was almost twenty minutes ago.” Lydia scowled. “Leave it to our amazing Sheriff’s department to forget about someone who could have been related to the sheriff and let a crazed killer go free.”

“Lydia, there is no killer. Derek is definitely still alive, they would have told us otherwise.” The sarcasm was so thick they could cut it with a knife. “Besides, you can’t blame the Sheriff for anything, he’s only trying to do his job.”

“Ugh, thats what you think, but Jackson and I are the ones they questioned about Derek and his supposed ‘drug abuse.’ I’ve never been so humiliated in all my life, I put myself on the hook swearing up and down that Derek was clean and then I have to bail him out of jail for possession and assault and battery.” She plopped down in the chair and started to pull at her hair.

“Well Derek did do something stupid, and while I’m sorry for what you and Jackson had to go through, you chose to put him up and take him on, you should have listened to Scott and I.” If looks could kill, Allison would be a puddle on the ER floor. She had been avoiding the emotional landmine that was Derek for weeks now, but here she was plunging headfirst into a bottomless pit.

 

“I cannot believe you would ever say that. What were we supposed to do, write him off like you and Scott? I’m sorry that Jackson and I are compassionate human beings, but we couldn’t look at someone who was that broken and just keep going on with our lives.”

“Write him off? Scott tried to help him but he refused to be helped. He ignored our calls and ran to you two, and do you want to know why? Because you coddled him. When he was detoxing it was Scott that visited him every day and made sure that he was taking the methadone and going to therapy. He was the one who FORCED him to go to therapy, and when he got out broke and alone, Scott and Melissa gave him a home and a new start. You’re just sweeping in and putting a bandaid on a wound Scott stitched up years ago!”

The match devolved into a torrent of snide remarks and name calling. but when Lydia started to scream, the social workers came over and told them they had to leave. They were walking back into the waiting room when a monitor starting screaming in one of the medical bays. Lydia whipped back towards Dereks room and saw nurses and doctors running towards him with needles and paddles. She reached out to grab Allison, and the two women watched as the little green line went flat.


	10. That Christmas Feeling

“So the animal shelter is having a fundraising gala slash Christmas party?” Stiles was standing on the stepstool attempting to put the angel on the top of the pitiful Christmas tree that he and Derek had found. Between the halo of gold formed by the lit Christmas lights draped around his body and the soft light coming from the fireplace Derek couldn’t help but think he looked like some sort of Norman Rockwell painting. As he reached across the space to place the angel, Derek watched as his shirt lifted away from his jeans. The sight of the exposed skin sent a shock through Derek and he had to look away to keep from blushing.

“Yeah, and I’m supposed to bring some people in a show of solidarity. Scott and Allison are out of town, and Lydia went with Jackson and his family to Hawaii for the holidays, so its just you and me.” He failed to mention that he was to one who had paid for the couples weekend in Colorado for Allison and Scott, and that he had practically forced Lydia and Jackson to join his parents for Christmas. Derek had been dying to spend some time alone with Stiles. And here was the perfect opportunity.

“Well it sounds like fun. I’ve never been to a gala.” He turned to Derek and smiled. Derek loved his crooked smile, it was the first thing he saw in the morning when he would walk into the kitchen and find Stiles cooking him eggs and toast, and it was the last thing he’d see when Stiles told him goodnight. It was one of the thousands of little things that made Derek fall faster and faster for Stiles. “Do I have to wear a tux?” Derek turned. His shirt was still ridden up above his hips. His beautiful, sculpted, inviting hips. He suddenly forgot how to speak.

“Derek? Tux?” Oh yeah, words.

“Yeah, so I already set up an appointment tomorrow so we can find some. And I get to sign off before you choose to make sure you don’t get some god awful baby blue monstrosity..” Stiles laughed. The sounds of his laughter made Derek smile even more than he was. Stiles turned back to the tree and made one last effort to get the angel on the top. He stepped up onto the tips of his toes, lifting his right foot into the air to give him the extra leverage. And Derek watched as he started to fall backwards.

As if in slow motion Stiles managed to place the angel exactly as he lost his balance. His right foot missed the step on the ladder and he threw his arms up to try and grab something to stop the fall. Derek lunged forward and stuck out his arms. He shoved them beneath Stiles and caught him, holding him like a groom would hold his bride. Feeling Stiles so close to him was electrifying. He could feel every curve in his body, and his breath on his face. He wasn’t heavy, but he wasn’t light either, a good blend of muscle and shape. He turned his face and met Dereks gaze. They were inches away from each other and it took every ounce of Dereks will not to kiss him. He slowly lowered him down to the floor and put an arm around his shoulder to brace him.

Stiles seemed out of breath. “Thanks. That could have ended badly. Like with me being too broken up to go and try on stuffy suits tomorrow.” He started to untangle himself from the Christmas lights and Derek couldn’t help but notice that Stiles seemed to be flushed. “By the way, when should I be at the store?”

Derek suddenly realized that he hadn’t taken his arm off of Stiles’ shoulder. He was struck by the fact that Stiles hadn’t noticed either. He pulled the arm away and immediately missed the warmth of Stiles. “The fitting is scheduled for tomorrow at two o’clock.”

“Great! It’s a date!”

 

The fitting went awkwardly. The tux rental place was small, and was having a bridal fitting, so Derek and Stiles were confined to a single dressing room. And to top it off, they were told they had to share it since the groom and his groomsmen were coming in for the same wedding, and they couldn’t let them see the brides dress. So they changed together, and it was awkward. Derek spent most of the time angled in the corner to hide his ever growing erection.

The steaminess was twofold. Not only did Stiles look incredibly attractive in a tux, with all the right angles and cheekbones, but he had on an especially tight pair of briefs that hugged his ass and cupped things very effectively. It made Derek feel inadequate with his boxers and chin. So he tried to hide his discomfort and make it seem like he was totally okay with the fact that Stiles had a very visible V leading to his pelvis and the perfect hairlessness and their very pink and prominent nipples that he longed to have in his mouth.

But he made it through, and with only a minimum of vertigo due to bloodlessness. They found the two that fit the best and made them feel the most like James Bond, and went to lunch before heading back to the apartment to finish decorating. Derek saw it as the perfect day. He got to see a new side, well a few new sides, of Stiles, and he was liking them.

 

The night of the Gala came, and Derek spent almost an hour in the bathroom trying to make himself look perfect. He felt like a preteen girl going on her first date, when in reality Stiles had no clue the motivation behind this night. Derek was sure that he felt something changing between them, heading away from a friendship and towards...something. So he primped and preened, shaved his beard, brushed his teeth for almost twenty minutes, and even put on cover up to hide the blackheads on his nose. When he emerged from the bathroom Stiles was already changed and ready, and was sitting on the couch watching TV.

“Are you almost done? I’ve never seen you take this long to get ready.” Derek blushed. He rushed into the other room and got in his tux, trying to get the bowtie right. He was heading back into the living room still fiddling with it when Stiles got up. He walked towards him and moved his hands out of the way. With a swift tug he had the tie perfectly straight and even. Derek looked into his eyes and could feel the blush creeping into his cheeks.

“You’re hopeless Derek.” Stiles pinched his cheek with those magnificent fingers. An uncomfortable tightness in his pants suddenly became much tighter. Stiles was still holding his cheek. Derek could feel the electricity between them, and Stiles face morphed into an expression of curiosity. Derek pulled away and tried to hide the ever growing erection. Stiles fidgeted uncomfortably behind him. With a swift grab he lurched around Derek and grabbed the keys to the Camaro. A devilish grin was spread across his cherubic face, but there was a definite rouge to his cheeks. Derek blushed harder. This moment was getting more and more awkward.

“Shall we go then?”

 

Deaton had decided to hold the gala in one of the abandoned warehouses downtown, and had hired an army of party planners to make sure that everything would be ready. When Stiles and Derek got there, there weren’t many guests but the place looked amazing. Hanging from the corrugated roof were beautiful displays of twinkling christmas lights shaped to look like various animals, one a dog, another amazingly a parrott. All around the room were beautiful ice sculptures of even more animals. Derek could see a twenty foot buffet in one corner and a punch fountain in the other. The center of the room was illuminated with Christmas trees adorning a raised platform standing before a dance floor. Already there were people who were schmoozing with the up and ups of Beacon Hills. Stiles had gone to find their seats, and Derek walked over to Deaton who was at the door to the coat room helping people with their jackets.

“The place looks absolutely amazing, how exactly did we afford all of this?” Deaton laughed.

“We had a very generous benefactor that paid for all the decorations. And they also ended up getting in touch with the wealthiest people in town so I think we’ll be a hit tonight.” He turned to the coat rack a deposited a women's mink coat. “I only wish that some of these people realized the hypocrisy of wearing fur to an animal shelters fundraiser. But such is life.”

Stiles had found their table and was waving to him from across the room. “Well I’m gonna go find my seat, see you later.” He was making his way across the room when he noticed that there was a sprig of mistletoe lying on the ground. He looked up and saw that they were also hung around the room. Derek bent over to pick up the loose sprig and brought it back to the table with him.

“Looking to get lucky?” Derek choked. “The mistletoe?” Stiles arched his eyebrow and Derek blushed again. His cheeks were going to be permanently red after tonight. He put the sprig in the center of the table and took his seat. The table diagram showed that they were seating with six members of the same party, from the Ennis family.

“Oh God.” Stiles turned. “Our tablemates are people I went to high school with, people I...didn’t exactly get along with.” Stiles looked confused. “How could anyone make fun of you, strong, athletic, cute?” There went those cheeks again. Stiles was looking to Derek for an answer. He sighed and put his head in his hands.“They made fun of me because I was gay, all right?”

Stiles looked like he’d eaten his tie. “Oh, well that’s awkward. Um…, I have an idea. We’re just not gonna sit down, we’ll eat the hors d'oeuvres and we’ll schmooze a bit and then we’ll dance, and we’ll stay busy. That way we never have to sit down.”

So they did. They chased the waiter with the fancy french cheeses and got a little too tipsy on the champagne. When the speeches started, they awkwardly stood to the side of the room near one of the sculptures until Derek pulled them both into the coat room. They ended up spending the rest of the night sipping whiskey from a flask they found in someones jacket and laughing their asses off. And they talked. They talked a lot. It was probably all the liquor but it just felt right.

“So me and my Dad have been really good since I told him. He’s a little awkward which was to be expected, but I think in the long run everything is going to work out just fine. He seems to be getting much better too, the doctors say that he may be able to get back to work by the new year, which is good because having him cooped up at home just means he keeps texting me complaining about the lack of red meat and cholesterol in his diet.”

Derek laughed. He hadn’t known his Dad, he had died when he was very young, and his Mother had always taken care of him. He couldn’t even think about what it would be like to reverse the roles. “Well that’s really good, and I hope that he gets used to the diet fast, I couldn’t go without my meat.” Stiles raised his eyebrows and laughed. “You know what I meant you idiot!” Derek took another swig of the flask and threw it at Stiles, sending the brown liquid everywhere. Stiles jumped back to try and keep out of its way but only succeeded in getting it all over the tux.

“Dude! We’re gonna have to pay for this!” Derek crawled over to Stiles and started to use a strangers coat to blot out the stain. He was dabbing away at Stiles’ chest when they both started to laugh, and they laughed, and laughed. Derek fell back on his ass and was clutching at his sides while Stiles was gasping for air. The made eye contact, and the laughing started to stop. Both of their faces changed, into a look of curiosity and apprehension. In what seemed like slow motion, Derek had reached out to Stiles and put his hand on his cheek. Stiles pulled back at first, and then settled into it. Derek knew that he had to stop, that he was going to ruin everything but he kept going. Stiles was staring into his eyes now, and the heat between them was more than he had ever felt before.

Derek leaned across the space between them, never looking away from Stiles. He seemed to be leaning unconsciously in towards Derek. Stiles’ eyes drooped close and they closed the distance completely. Their lips were inches from each others. Derek could feel the heat and smell the alcohol on his breath. His heart was pounding in his ears, and he felt like he was going numb. Derek was holding his breath, and Stiles was too. Derek was about to press his lips against Stiles’ to kiss him hard and deep, when the coats started to fall all around them. Stiles’ had been grasping the mink coat from earlier for support and had yanked the rack from the wall. They were covered in a mound of trenchcoats and parkas and Derek was lost in the dark. He wanted to scream, to plead with some distant god to let them continue that moment for just one second longer. But it was too late.

“Well Shit, that was a buzzkill.” Stiles was pulling himself out of the pile while Derek still sat dumbstruck. He had been so close, and now what could he say, anything would seem so stupid and out of place. But apparently Stiles wasn’t feeling the same way. He extended his arm out and lifted Derek from the pile. He kept his hand entwined in Dereks and pulled him through the door to the closet, and past the people milling about after the dinner. The squeezed through the throngs of people at the door until they were standing outside in the frozen air.

“Stiles I’m so sorry I didn’t mean...I mean I shouldn’t have done that it was,” Stiles put his finger to Derek’s lips and stopped his talking immediately.

“Derek, I think that it’s time for us to have a little talk.”

 

They left after giving Deaton their goodbyes, and drove back to the apartment. Stiles went into his room to change out of the tux and Derek sat on the couch, unable to think of anything but how he was going to apologize. Eventually he went to take off his tux, and was getting into his pajamas when Stiles came into his room. Derek hadn’t even gotten his shirt over his head, but Stiles took it upon himself to plop down in the chair in the corner of the room. Derek couldn’t help but notice the stare he got as the shirt came down over his head. He put on his slippers and sat down on the bed..

“Derek before you start apologizing for what happened I need to tell you something. You were not the only one in that coat closet, and while I may be a little more than a little drunk, it doesn’t mean that you were taking advantage. And…I wanted to kiss you too.”

Derek had nothing to say. His apology meant nothing now, and how was he supposed to respond to that little nugget of gold? Stiles had wanted to kiss him too. Him! But what did it mean for them. “I guess I just have to ask you one question then. Do you...feel for me, the way that I feel for you Derek?” He had thought about his feelings for the last few months, since Stiles had come out. He knew that something had started to grow, some...non-friend feelings. Whenever he saw Stiles he went into this stupid world where he couldn’t seem to control anything or even think. He had started to believe that he might be falling in love with him, but the idea had terrified him. Everything that Derek had ever loved had been taken away from him, so he had made a promise to himself a long time ago never to love again.

But he knew that whatever was between him and Stiles was so strong that it had broken a wall in him. He had sacrificed his solitude, put himself in terrifying sleeping arrangements, and sat in a coat check closet drinking out of a strangers flask all to be closer to Stiles, and to make him happy. But now this amazing person who Derek was so enamoured with had said that he might actually feel the same and Derek once again felt like he was chewing on cotton balls.

 

“Well Derek?” He looked up at this beautiful man, his best friend, and started to cry. Actually big blubbery tears. And Stiles looked completely shocked. In any other situation Stiles would have made some stupid sarcastic comment and Derek probably would have laughed right away. But for once he held his silver tongue. And the silence was only perforated by the occasional sniffle from Derek. He wiped away the hot tears that were streaming down his face and took a gulp of air to steady himself.

“Stiles. I think that I’m falling for you.”


	11. So This is Love

For a month they tiptoed. Stiles and his father left for Christmas to visit relatives, so Derek spent the holidays with his Uncle at the nursing home. He had been neglecting to visit him after everything with the Sheriff and Stiles, but now there was no excuse. So he visited Peter. And he would talk. The doctors said that he was in an irreversible coma, so anything Derek said probably wasn’t heard anyway.

“So after we left and got home we had this big discussion about how we feel, and where everything was going. Stiles was still freaked just because everything was so fresh, and after everything that I’ve been through it’s safe to say that I’m a little emotionally distant. So we decided that we’re going to take it very, very slow. Any sign of disturbance and we throw the brakes on the whole operation. Stiles is adamant that either this will work or our friendship will get stronger because of it. And I believe him. Theres just something that tells me that this could go all the way, and I know that thats only wishful thinking, but I think it anyway.”

Peter stayed where he was, staring ahead at the wall with the blank dead look in his eyes. Derek had always been very close with Peter, and as hard as it was to see him like this, it was cathartic to tell him everything that was going on. And so much had happened in such a short time that Derek was reeling. He was trying to keep everything in, but he noticed that more and more he couldn’t keep his emotions bottled up like he used too. Maybe that was a good thing?

 

When Stiles came back, he had worked out a plan for things. They were going to go on a real date. Derek was going to take him to a dinner and a movie, and then they were going to go on a stroll through the park. And maybe Derek would kiss him at the end of the night, or maybe he wouldn’t. He was adamant that this was going to work. So for their first date Derek decided to make sure everything went flawlessly. He bought the tickets a week early to see some foreign film, reserved a table at the fanciest restaurant in town, and planned a walk through the park that would get them to a romantic grove by the pond.

So when the day came Derek was sure that he had planned for anything that could possibly happen. And then girls started being attacked in the woods. And Stiles’ white knight act kicked into overdrive. They talked to some of the girls friends instead of going to the movie. When the reservation was expiring they were tramping through the woods looking for something concrete. And when the moon was at it’s highest they were tracking down a cell signal to a creep roaming through the nature preserve. They caught him, but the perfect night that Derek had planned had gone completely to hell.

When they both stumbled up to the apartment and fell onto the couch, Stiles finally looked at Derek and started to laugh. “I’m am so sorry that this night was ruined, but you have to admit, the look on that guys face when we caught him with his pants down was absolutely priceless!” Derek laughed and cautiously draped his arm around Stiles’ shoulder. He looked at the hand resting on his shoulder and kicked off his shoes, curling into Derek’s chest. Their combined warmth was almost too much but the feeling of Stiles against his heart made him want to sing. They fell asleep that way, curled up in a ball. When Derek woke up during the night, he scooped Stiles up in his arms and walked him to his room, placing him on his bed like he was a king.

A week later, Derek had devised an infallible plan for their next attempt at a date. They would have dinner with the Sheriff and then go out for frozen yogurt and end the night at the apartment watching the Breakfast Club. Derek had just gone to buy the fixings for a beautiful dinner when he got a call from Stiles. “You’re going to absolutely hate me, but I just got a call from my dad. Theres some person who escaped from Eichen house and they think he’s a menace to society. Dad asked if we could help under the table.”

So Derek grabbed his coat and headed to the station for what Stiles called “the briefing.” Apparently some guy who had killed his wife and one of his kids had escaped during a fire drill and was trying to look for his daughter. The sheriff had brought her into the Station, so Derek and Stiles were supposed to go to her apartment to wait and see if her father would show. And as they sat there in a stranger's apartment they had part of their date. Stiles curled into him like he had before and the sat and watched the Breakfast Club. Until the power was cut. And the nutjob came into the apartment. So Derek took the bat that Stiles had brought and slugged him in the gut. When the sheriff showed up, they handed him over and went home. And Derek once again fell asleep feeling rather unsatisfied.

 

For Valentines they made a pact not to do anything. The closest they got to a special date was to take the day off from work. Other than that they were just going to hang around the house and do nothing. So they started early. Out of nowhere at around 5:00 Stiles crept into Derek's room and slid under the covers, wrapping his arm around his chest until his fingers settled between him and the bed. They stayed that way for a long while, Derek must have hit the snooze at least ten times. But when the sun was finally to much to bare through the curtainless window, Derek rolled off the bed and onto the floor and groaned.

“I don’t wanna get up!” Stiles head peeked over the top of the bed. His lazy smile melted Derek’s heart. “Unless I get to have breakfast with you.” Stiles’ smile widened and he pulled himself forward, falling forward face first, landing squarely on Derek. His eyes bugged as the breath was pushed out of him. He heaved and pushed Stiles off of him and onto the floor beside him. They were close, their faces nearly pressed against to each other. Derek could feel the scent of their breaths mingling in the morning air. This moment was so perfect. And he suddenly felt that he wanted to kiss Stiles. He inched his face forward, but as their lips were about to meet, Stiles suddenly pulled away.

His face was pointed at the ceiling, and Derek could see that his breath had quickened. He let his head fall back to the floor and sighed. “Well how about breakfast?”

 

They spent the rest of the morning eating burnt pancakes and watching the morning cartoons. Stiles wanted to try and make grilled cheeses, so Derek sat on the couch and ended up taking a nap. He dreamed of the morning. Lying in bed, feeling Stiles wrapped around him and pressed against him. He felt safe. And when they landed on the floor, it was Stiles that leaned in to kiss Derek. As their lips met Derek almost felt the sudden electric shock. The warmth of Stiles’ lips and the urgency of the kiss was something that made Derek push in, until he was suddenly on top of Stiles. He was looking down and the pure lust radiating off of them was nearly too much. He shot down and was biting at Stiles’ neck. Their hips were grinding against one anothers and Derek could feel a definite hardness in Stiles’ pajamas. He wanted to scream with all the heat. Suddenly they were naked, and Derek could see the delicate moles which ran down Stiles’ chest. They were wrapped in the sheets and Derek was laughing trying to untangle Stiles to find the prize beneath. Just as he was about to pull it away his eyes snapped open.

“Hey that must have been some dream, you were talking.” Derek blinked the nap out of his eyes and tried to sit up. But the hardness in his pants was currently concealed beneath a blanket which Stiles was trying to remove. He grabbed the edge away and pulled it back down to his chest. The knowing look on Stiles’ face slowly morphed into a coy smile. He walked back over to the kitchen and put grilled cheeses on plates.

“What was I saying?”

“Oh, just something about sheets. And sizes.”

Dereks blush could have baked them another sandwich.

 

They ended up spending the afternoon watching romance movies and crying into each others shoulders. When it came time for dinner they ordered Chinese and spent the night trying to separate the fortunes from the cookies without cracking the shell. After ending up with a pile of dust and useless little papers touting the single life they ended up back in Stiles’ room, much as they were that morning. Except now there was nothing to pull them from the warmth of the covers. Stiles laid his head on the spot below Derek’s shoulder. He could feel the anticipation of what would come next to his core. Every nerve ending in his body was on fire. He could feel Stiles’ every breath and heartbeat.

Stiles leaned his head back and met Derek’s eyes. His caramel brown eyes were alive like he had never seen him. The lazy smile slipped from his face and everything was silent. Derek leaned his head ever so gently forward and Stiles craned his neck to meet him halfway. Their lips met. A spark shot through Derek and he felt like he was on fire. He could feel every crease and fold in Stiles’ lips. He tasted the spice of their dinner on his breath as their tongues began to clash. It was sloppy and awkward but it made Derek feel more alive than ever before.

Stiles rolled into him and hoisted himself over Derek, planting a hand on either side of his head to steady himself. Their faces were but a few inches apart. Their hot breath mingled in the lukewarm air of the bedroom. Stiles lowered his head and kissed him hard. He trailed along his jaw and down his neck biting at the skin above his shoulder. He shivered and pressed into Stiles, braiding his fingers through his hair. He started to buck, and could feel Stiles’ hips pressing into his abdomen.

“Derek, Derek you need to tell me. Are you okay with this?” Consent was the last thing on Dereks mind. He wrapped his arms around Stiles and sat up in the bed. Pressing his thumbs into Stiles’ temple he gently kissed his rouged lips. “Yes. More than anything yes.”

Stiles smiled. “Well then, lets get on with it,”

 

Derek was in a state of shock. He never knew that Stiles’ silver tongue could have an even more beautiful double purpose, but as he watched the spiky brown hair bob in and out of view he almost couldn’t take it. His fingers gripped the bed as if he were hanging from a skyscraper, his toes curling in frenzied delight. Stiles hand crept us his thigh and his long fingers and grazed along his side, sending shivers through him. Stiles seemed only to content to go one with this all night, but Derek was coming too close for comfort. It had been a while since he had been...intimate...with anyone and he intended to do it right. He looped his fingers into Stiles’ hair and pulled him up to his face, giving him a sloppy kiss. He could taste his own sugary precum and kissed Stiles harder.

“If you’re not careful you’ll end up giving me a hickey.” Stiles whispering into his ear raised every hair on his neck and Derek laughed. “You say that like thats a bad thing. I want to mark you, so everyone knows that you’re mine.” Derek was almost purring as he leaned in and bit at the soft skin of Stiles’ neck. He felt the flesh pass carefully between his teeth and could almost sense the rush of blood to the bruise. He pulled back and admired his quickly reddening work.

“And how am I to show that you are mine?” Stiles asked.

“The only way I know how.”

 

Derek was bent over the bed, arms flung wide supporting the shivering weight of his entire body. The feel of Stiles shoving into him made his cock twitch violently and he was sure that they would never have enough time for all the amazingly dirty things that Derek wanted to do. He felt like he was going to fall apart. Every muscle was screaming in blissful agony and the sweat was pouring off of both him and Stiles. The heat of them fogged the windows, and Stiles had already made two Titanic jokes.

Stiles leaned over him, craning to reach Dereks neck. He managed to get to just his ear, and as he nipped at the peak Derek was in agony. He shoved backwards and Stiles grunted surprised. “Jeez this is already gonna go fast, you wanna make it high school level or something?” Derek turned his neck and could see the disheveled brown hair atop the glistening adonis that was Stiles Stilinski. Derek had only bottomed a few times before, but it had never been as good as this. And then it got better.

Stiles must have chosen a new angle or something, because suddenly every thrust made Derek see stars. His thigh muscles gave out and he hit the bed and heard a crack and felt the support go out beneath them. Derek’s knees hit the ground with a sickening thud and Stiles hit his back and fell to the side. As the dust from beneath a bed never cleaned settled, Stiles started to burst with laughter. Derek was still in a haze wondering why the good feelings had stopped.

“Jesus Fucking Christ Derek the bed is broken.” He turned and saw two nails sticking out of the headboard at an odd angle. They had ripped the wood off the screws. “Well you know what that means!”

 

“We’re gonna need to clean this table tomorrow before breakfast.” Derek was flat on his back with his legs over Stiles’ shoulders and all he could think about was the butter for Stiles’ morning toast. Stiles grinned as he continued to thrust. “Well maybe after we use it tomorrow morning.” He slammed into Derek and he went slack again as Stiles’ cock nailed his prostate. He new that he was getting close. His dick was throbbing and the heat in the pit of his stomach was starting to become unbearable. Stiles looked like a man possessed. His hair was twisted and sweaty, his face and body seemed to be twitching as he got closer and closer to orgasm himself. He was sure that suddenly Stiles would burst into Elton John and swing out of the room on a rope vine.

“Derek I’m gonna cum really soon” He could barely think the suddenness of it all. Just a few hours ago they had been sitting covered mink jackets and trenchcoats laughing as the whiskey worked its way through their system. And now Stiles was treating him like a toy, and he was loving it. He grunted approval and Stiles started going faster. His thrusts became quick and erratic and he grabbed Derek’s cock. He had barely touched it but now as they near finishing together he couldn’t take it. The heat became unbearable and he came in a torrent across his chest and stomach. Stiles grunted one last time and arched backwards his hands digging into the soft flesh of Dereks thighs.

Derek watched as his sweaty and sex fueled face softened into a mask of lust and carnal pleasure. His eyes opened for just a moment and they locked glances, Stiles’ caramel eyes peering down at the lazy pleasurable expression plastered on Derek's face. As Stiles came down from the high, he quickly peeled away the condom and tossed it in the trash. Derek used his strained muscles to force himself into a sitting position. The cum dripped down from his abs and onto his placemat. Whatever. Breakfast could wait.

Stiles turned and charged him. Their chests collided and Derek wrapped his legs around the naked skin of Stiles’ lower back. He somehow managed to pick Derek up, which was no small feat after the most passionate sex of their lives so far, and stumbled through the small kitchen to the couch. they landed on their sides and Stiles locked onto Derek’s lips, drinking him in like a perfectly aged wine. Derek was high off the endorphins and could feel sleep descending. The warmth of their naked flesh was unbearable in the heat of the apartment, but they couldn’t be separated. Not now. Nothing could ever separate them again. As Stiles kissed into his face and neck, Derek's’ eyes started to flutter to a close. He was drifting off into the hazy realm of dreams when he heard Stiles whisper something into his ear. Three little words that meant more to him than anything else in the world. He fell swiftly to sleep.

 

While he dreamed, Derek could still feel the still sweaty muscles of Stiles’ back, and the curve of his hips. The smell of sweat and sex was gone but they would recreate it soon enough. After all, they had all that time before breakfast.

 

When he could feel himself stirring he heard something. Something was beeping, and it wasn’t the alarm clock by the bed, it was much more regular and high pitched. But there was nothing like that in the living room, was there? The steady beat was dragging him out of his hazy fuzzy world. He tightened his arms but where Stiles should be was cold. They had a deal, no breakfast before sex and a scrub down. They had fallen asleep so fast, they were probably stuck together at this point. He was struck by how totally cold he felt. Did the heat shut off or something?

He felt an itchy fabric covering him, which was weird if they fell asleep naked. And a sort of rhythmic humming, like voices. Was there someone in their apartment? He had to wake up, Stiles might yelling at the TV again. He knew he was waking up but he couldn’t move. Everything was still dark and he tried desperately to move but his muscles didn’t work. He was trapped, and started to hyperventilate and the beeping got faster and faster. He felt a hand on his arm and heard someone calling his name through the dark. It had to be Stiles. He could feel his muscles slowly relaxing and was starting to wake up. When he opened his eyes he was blinded. The unexpected blue shine was not the sun through the curtains he expected. He was sure that something was wrong, and when his eyes adjusted he could see ceiling tile and industrial light. There were tubes snaking all over him from sockets on the wall. Where was he? Where was Stiles?

He tried to get up, but an arm threw itself across his chest and pushed him down. He felt so completely weak, and felt the fatigue in his muscles and bones, and not from the previous night. Something in his chest hurt like fire, it was more painful than anything he had ever felt before. He looked around wildly and saw a flash or red hair and pale skin. Lydia? A man in a white coat with a mask was talking to her. A doctor. Was he in a hospital? Why? A nurse was looking down at him. She was saying something about the surgery being a success. Surgery? Why would he have needed surgery.

And it hit him. A brick soared through a window and the memories flashed back like splinters of glass. A flash. An echoing explosion. The wet ground in a dark alley. Someone screaming and the sound of sirens. Warm red liquid staining his hands. And Stiles’ face, swimming in his vision, tears leaking out of his beautiful brown eyes. It all came crashing back. The pain doubled and he couldn’t stop remembering. And he woke up. And wanted to die.


	12. How to Save a Life

Goldfish don't belong in doctors fishtanks. Derek decided that when he was a little kid at the pediatrician. They just sort of sit there, doing nothing of value or interest while better and brighter fish fly around entertaining little kids. Anyone can have a goldfish, but only doctors could have something like a clown fish. Or those weird little crabs that scuttled around like in Finding Nemo.

He spent more time in his therapists office staring into the blue of the fish tank than at the expensive hourly doctor sitting in front of him. The doctors at the hospital had tried to figure out why he hadn't spoken since coming out of sedation, so therapy was what they ordered. Doctor Morrell was a nice enough woman, but Derek really had nothing to say to her. She talked about his alcoholism, suicidal thoughts and actions, and the effects of prolonged drug abuse on the human brain. Derek just wanted to sleep.

Thats what his day consisted of. Sleeping. He got up in the morning and ate the food the orderlies gave him. Then he would hobble over to the chair and nap in the sun until lunch when Scott or Lydia or someone else would stop in to have a box lunch. Then if it wasn’t to chilly he would wheel himself to the garden and sleep in the gazebo until an nurse collected him for dinner. He would eat, and then go to bed for the night, starting everything over the next morning.

So technically his day consisted of sleeping and eating.

 

“Derek this is now your tenth session and I’m still talking to someone more interested in my fish than helping himself. You agreed that you would try and at least look at me.” Dereks hand lazily scratched at his beard. He really needed a shave. The combination of extreme blood and weight loss did little for the complexion and a mountain man beard was not helping his look any. He turned and faced the doctor and met her eyes for the first time that day. She was pretty enough, with clear skin and long black hair hung straight like curtains around her face. She reminded him of Deaton actually. They looked like they could be brother and sister.

“It has been two months since you were shot in that alley and in that time you have been through three surgeries, an induced coma, three separate specialists, and more stitches than the nurses can count. I was brought in to try and figure out why you refuse to help yourself. Now Lydia and Allison filled me in on everything that happened with you and your ex-boyfriend Stiles, could he be the reason that you're not progressing in your treatment?” Derek’s head fell. He felt tired.

She hadn’t talked about Stiles yet. Mostly she focused on losing his family and how that predisposed him to a life of crime and substance abuse. Like she could know what losing your entire family entailed.

“Derek? Can you hear me?” The question was a tricky one. He heard the words she was saying, but he had trouble stringing them together to get what exactly they were supposed to mean. The nurse said that it might be a side effect from the pain medications that kept him from ripping at his stitches. But he thought that it had something more to do with lack of interest.

He had heard the doctors try to explain it in plenty of ways. Cantonic State. Dissociative State. Functional Mute. Unknown Brain Trauma. Maybe even a tumor. He could function for basic needs, but nothing that would require too much strain on the brain and emotions. He found that he could think fine enough, as long as it was in short bursts, and focused on the present.

For instance, he knew what had happened at the hospital. After the shooting, he had been brought to the Beacon Hills Hospital, and he had seen Melissa McCall hovering over him as he blacked out the last time. He remembered waking up a few days later. The doctors told him that he had gone through two separate surgeries in the span of a few days. The first was to remove the bullet which had lodged in his pelvis, and had torn through his small intestine. During the sedation following the first surgery he gone into septic shock which caused organ failure and stopped his heart. The doctors revived him and rushed him back into surgery and took out his spleen which had been damaged without them knowing. They induced a coma since his vitals had tanked after closing him up and waited for him to come back to the land of the blood-pressured living.

After he had come out of sedation Lydia confirmed his one question, that the dream he had actually was actually part of his past and all the horrible things he suddenly remembered had taken place. So he didn’t speak. An endless parade of his friends and surrogate family members had gone through his various rooms in the hospital. After the sheriff visited the anxiety made him rip out his stitches which caused the repair to his small intestine to become damaged resulting in abdominal bleeding which needed another surgery. After a week long stint in the ICU, they sent him to neurology who referred him to Morrell. She was the one who moved him into Eichen House on the hospital campus and started the ridiculous therapy sessions.

He remembered it all. In sharp detail.

 

It had been five weeks since his move to Eichen house, and the two a week sessions were still a great discomfort. Lydia had attended a few and when Derek refused to speak, started rambling on to Morrell about ancient Latin, a topic he was not aware Lydia had any interest in.

“Derek! I asked you if you could hear me!” His head flew up and he meet her glare again, but this time the genial expression was replaced with one of anger. “Derek, I have been seeing you for five weeks and we have made no progress. Had this been anyone else you would already have been permanently committed to Eichen House, but I have been keeping you as a temporary patient for the benefit of the sheriff. My patience is starting to wear very thin and I am afraid that this is going to have to be our last outpatient session.”

Derek's eyes had widened considerably at the mention of the sheriff. He had only visited that one time to tell him the business with the drugs had gone away from lack of evidence. He thought that was all the involvement he had, but to know that he had been watching out for him made Derek nauseous. He was certain that Sheriff Stilinski hated him for how things had ended with Stiles.

“Derek? Do you have anything feelings on the subject?” His mouth opened slowly, and he felt the taste of sleep on his lips and teeth. His tongue felt enormous and fuzzy. He hadn't tried to talk and couldn't think of anything else to say.

 

“I want to see the sheriff.”

The Hospital cafeteria was a mysterious place. On one occasion Derek had seen an entire bushel of bruised and browning apples being put into the fixings for a pie. But when he tasted the same pie it was just as good as Melissa McCalls. Now he sat in the sunshine staring into bowl of lime jello with a mandarin orange suspended in the center. The jello was good, but the orange...not so much.

Dr. Morrell had agreed to arrange a meeting between himself and the sheriff. She was flabbergasted at his speech but quickly returned to anger when he refused to say anything more until after meeting with Sheriff Stilinski. So he sat and waited. At one point an orderly came and said to him that some accident had delayed him but that he still planned to come. So he ordered another jello, and stared out into the flowers. All around him doctors and nurses ran back and forth grabbing food and sprinting back to the elevators. They were all dressed in bizarre scrubs and laughing about the weirdest things. Here Derek was in a blue johnny that didn't close up in the back, sitting alone at a table in a wheelchair.

And thats when he realized. He had never noticed until now, until the fact crept up on him, He was a goldfish. There was nothing special about him. He was surrounded by amazing people, and was basically just along for the ride. He had somehow managed to delude them all into thinking that he was a valuable part of their lives, but they had better things to do. Stiles had better things to do. What happened with them had been for the best. Now he could be flashy and wonderful and live a life worth living. Derek had just been holding him back.

Living as a goldfish sucks.

 

Almost an hour later, he saw the sheriff’s SUV fly into the parking space in front of a cluster of cornstalks. Halloween was descending upon them. He had almost forgotten. Sheriff Stilinski saw him through the glass, and smiled. This was going to be much more difficult than Derek had thought. When he had sat down across the table he asked for a coffee and smiled. “So Dr. Morrell said you wanted to see me? Well, actually she said ‘I can’t believe that mentioning you got him to talk,’ but that you would only talk to me.” Derek was suddenly feeling the mandarin orange try and force its way back up to the surface. He knew that he wanted to talk to him before, but what was he supposed to say now? “Well Derek? What did you want to talk to me about?”

He sat there staring into the eyes of a man twenty years older than him. And in them he saw the same caramel brown of the man he loved. Stiles had inherited his mother's quick wit, but his eyes were all his fathers. He had to force vomit back down his throat. Tears welled into his eyes and the Sheriff put down the donut. An expression of fear crossed his features and he began to stammer. “Derek should we go somewhere private? Or maybe I should just leave, I…maybe you can. What do I do right now?” He could be sitting across the table from Stiles right now.

He brought his arm up and wiped the tears from his eyes. “I needed to see you and ask you why you still pay attention to me. I’m nothing special to you, but you apparently made sure that the doctors were taking care of me and I want to know why.” The sheriff looked stunned. He put down his coffee.

“Derek. You brought me my son back to me. After his mother died, he wouldn't even talk to me. He treated me like I was the enemy, always evading any questions and hiding a part of him that more than ever I wanted to know. Meeting you made him realize that he could open up and share it with me. You gave me back the son that I had when he was a boy, when his mother was alive. I owe you everything for that.”

He was stunned. How could the sheriff be saying this? After all the awful things that he had put Stiles through, after forcing him to move almost two thousand miles away, and after going back on all the progress he made and making the Sheriffs life hell, he was thanking Derek. He was supposed to be the goldfish. His mouth opened and shut again. Words collided in his head and he felt dizzy. He managed to force the word doctor out just as the vomit reached his throat.

 

Back in the tangle of tubes the doctors were pumping him full of nutrients and liquids. Dehydration was a terrible terrible thing they said. The Sheriff was in the corner waiting for the last doctor to leave. His phone must have rang a hundred times if it rang once, but he stayed. Derek honestly didn’t know what it was about the Sheriff, but he felt better knowing he was there watching over him. When the nurse finally told him that Derek was settled in to talk, he sprang up and saddled his chair up to the side of the bed. “So Derek is that really why you want to see me?”

They met each others gaze and Derek realized that this was his chance. He started to talk. And talk. And talk. He told him the entire story, from the moment that Stiles left Seattle to vomiting in the cafeteria. He told him about the fighting, and Stiles coming back but leaving again. About Danny. About the HIV scare. About the bar room brawls and fighting muggers. About the shooting. And reliving the past in a dream afterwards. And goldfish. He told the Sheriff everything, and when he was done talking he felt empty. All the emotions had drained out of his body like blood from the bullet wound.

The sheriff just sat and listened. Every word that passed from Dereks lipped elicited the same flat expression as he collected every last line as if it was evidence from a crime scene. And when Derek stopped his hand went over his mouth and he was lost in a puzzled expression. After a few minutes he dropped his hands and dialed a number on his phone. Derek could hear a female voice on the other end. A familiar voice.

 

“Hey Melissa. I’m gonna need your help. Derek is coming home with me. Tonight.”


	13. It's the End of the World (As We Know It)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not an easy one for me to publish.

Halloween had always been Derek’s favorite holiday. His mother always made him and his sisters the BEST handmade costumes, and their Dad would go trick-or-treating with them until they had hit up all the best streets in Beacon Hills. They usually showed back up at the house with two pillow cases full of candy each, and chocolate smeared on their costumes. Then either their Dad or their Mom would carry them up to bed and begin the process of preserving the candy so that it would last well through the winter.

Despite of the heart wrenching pain he felt when he thought about his family, Halloween was still a very special day for Derek. He saw it less as a time to grieve, but as a time to reflect on all the good memories he had of his family. His therapist said this was a very healthy attitude, so apparently he wasn’t completely screwed up.

The sessions were finally starting to help. Since he had started to talk with Morrell she had started to stop yelling at him, and move on to providing him with ways of dealing with all of his emotions. When he thought about his family he took out a journal and wrote one things that he missed about them, but two things that he loved about them. For the cravings for drink and drug, he was to make himself a healthy snack and write down an accomplishable goal for him to try and fulfill by the end of the week.

And for Stiles. Morrell had said point blank that there isn’t much to be done over a broken heart, but she suggested that every time he got upset over Stiles he write down a good memory from before they dated, and something Derek liked about not being with him. At first, he had found it next to impossible to find anything for the second, but eventually little things like “He uses too many highlighters,” gave way to things like “He never wanted to go see Peter with me because he didn’t like giving up an entire day to sit in a silent room.” It got to the point where Derek went from wanting to call Stiles to wanting to text him an angry message about how unfair he had been through the entire relationship.

 

Living with the Sheriff was turning out to be a really great experience. They went to the gym together to workout, Derek would go and have dinner with him at the station to make sure he was still eating healthy, and the Sheriff would make sure to keep Derek on the straight and narrow. Their lives fell into a routine and pretty progressed slowly but surely as if they were any two father and son age guys sharing a house and eating together. So when Derek brought the sheriff his usual (cobb salad with a roast beef sandwich) he was surprised to see someone sitting in his chair at the desk.

“What, are you trying to replace me with someone who can dice a better egg?” Derek laughed and put the bag with both of their dinners on the table near the door and filled up a cup from the sheriffs bubbler. When he turned back around the man in the chair had stood up and turned to face him. Derek was struck by how handsome he was. Actually by how damn hot he was. They were about the same height, but different in every other way. He was pretty pale, with short brown hair and pale green eyes. He wasn’t built, but he certainly wasn't scrawny. Derek could see that he worked out just by the stress his bicep put on his shirt sleeve.

 

The sheriff poked his head around with a confused look. “Derek. Are you alright?”

The man had said something. He saw the lips move but didn’t hear it. “What?”

 

“I said that I’m Deputy Parrish, I’m the new addition to the force.” he extended his hand and Derek shook. He had a good grip and Derek wasn’t sure why he was so impressed. Stiles face passed through his head and he pushed it away trying to stay in the moment. That was what he was supposed to be doing. Right? Staying in the moment? Derek babbled something about his name and made an excuse about needing to use the bathroom. He ducked out and almost ran to the room at the back of the offices. Before he was even in a stall he was dialing Morrell. It rang a few times before he heard a click of the voicemail and Morrells voice on the line.

“This is Doctor Morrells office, I’m with a patient right now but I will get back to you as soon as I can.” He swore quietly and started to talk.

 

“Hey Doc, I need to tell you something and its not something I can write down so just listen. Listen and I promise I won’t be long. Okay. Here Goes. When I was still drunk, I didn’t really pay attention to what was happening. Obviously. So one day in May before I had really started drinking I felt my phone buzz. Usually I’d just ignore it but for some reason this time I checked it. It was Stiles. I hadn’t talked to him since we slept together in April, and I hadn’t actually talked with him since he left in February. But I answered. And I said hello. And he did that deep exaggerated sigh he always used to do and he started to chatter at me.”

 

“Oh my God Derek I’m so glad you answered. I’m a little drunk right now and I’m trying to study for finals and I’m freaking out and I just wanted to hear your voice and maybe talk to you for a while and stop freaking me out even though I told you we could never talk again and I just feel awful.”

 

“So while he was talking all I was thinking was that this was insane. I had imagined that I would call him and apologize and that we would get back together. But I hadn’t thought that he would ever call me. He had been so damn angry in Seattle and I just never thought he would want to be the one to reach out. He wasn’t that person. So when he stopped I didn’t know what to say.”

 

“Derek? Are you still there?”

“Yeah...I...uh, I mean. I didn’t expect you to call, You said you wanted us to be. Seperate.

“Yeah I did, didn’t eye. But right now I really just want us because I think that I’m losing my mind. I have finals and all I have no time to do all the studying I need to do.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Well I haven’t really been sleeping too well because I’ve been thinking about Isaac.

 

“I know I mentioned Isaac in passing and told you the subject was a no go, but he’s actually a huge factor in both our lives. He died right after Stiles moved in with me. And it was my fault. Well not really but I felt like it was. We were driving somewhere and we stopped and we got mugged. They shot him in the drivers seat. It was really hard. His parents had died a few years before so we were really all he had. He had been living with Lydia and her parents since they had died and she took it really hard.

 

“Stiles why are you thinking about that?”

“It’s been about two and a half years and I got really depressed. And was drinking.”

“Amen to that.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

 

“So we talked about Isaac. About the time that he told Allison he had a crush on her the day she started dating Scott, and the time that he decided to lock himself in his room because we were still making fun of him for it and then freaked out because there was a spider in the room. And then he got weird. He started talking about when he died about how weird he got. And I remembered. Right as I was developing feelings for him and Isaac died he pulled away from everyone but Lydia.”

 

“Yeah, you never really explained that in all the time we dated.”

“Yeah that’s because it’s really fucked up.”

“Well then I have to know because I am pretty fucked up”

“Well theres that.”

“No really though, what happened?”

 

“He sighed again and then started to spew forth information that I did not need to hear. About how Isaac had been the first guy he ever had feelings for and that he didn’t know what he was supposed to do without him and he didn’t think he would ever feel that way for anyone again. And that Lydia said that was just how she had felt about Jackson before he left.”

 

“But that was so easy for her to say, I mean she married Jackson like two months earlier and had her happy ending. Hindsight is 20/20 and it’s a total bitch.

“So why did you withdraw from society?”

“Well I spent time with Lydia because she was trying to make me see that I could feel that way again. And she reminded me of how I used to have the biggest crush on her when I was little and she said that I got over her and that I would be fine. But I didn’t get over her, not really. I still always had some sort of feeling for Lydia even though I was gay and I always thought that was weird.”

 

“And then shit hit the fan.”

 

“So we slept together.”

“WHAT? You slept with Lydia? After she got MARRIED to Jackson? What the fuck is wrong with you Stiles, are you a fucking idiot?”

“What, it didn’t mean anything, and we never told Jackson.”

“Oh my God I can’t believe this. Jackson would be pissed if he knew. Cheating is cheating and I doubt that Jackson would be okay with his new bride sleeping with one of his best friends.

“How would you know?”

“Because I know how I would feel if you cheated on me.”

 

“And he just kept going and talking about how it wasn’t really cheating and it was only one time and he just kept talking until he switched to a new subject. And the shitstorm of 2016 began anew.”

 

“You were always very in tune to what was going on in my life.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well you were always so suspicious of my friends from school we had to be really careful.

_silence_

“Derek?”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean Stiles?”

“Well we were only fooling around.”

“What the fuck does that mean Stiles?”

“That kid you met, the one you pegged as Gay? We slept together once or twice.”

_silence_

“Derek are you still there?”

_silence_

“Derek?”

“I need to go.”

 

“And I drank until I passed out and forgot about it until right now when I was meeting this guy in the sheriffs office because I think he was the same kid from the college and I thought I might vomit up what was left of my lunch if I didn’t tell someone and I wasn’t about to go get Lydia. So I need you to listen to this and tell me what I’m supposed to do. And that’s the canned voice telling me my time is almost up for the machine so just call me back as soon as you get this.”

 

He hung up the phone and leaned against the cool tile of the wall. The overwhelming feeling to be sick was slowly being replaced by a disbelief and anger he had never felt before. All of the shit he had suspected of Stiles that resulted in the destruction of their seemingly perfect relationship had been true and Stiles had flat out lied to his face. He had gone through almost three months of drinking and getting shot because he thought that he had let Stiles down. And all along Stiles had been a fucking hypocrite and told him nothing was wrong and he was the crazy one. He felt the last bit of regret over their ended relationship leave his body to be replaced by a fiery hot anger. He was about to walk out of the bathroom when his phone rang. It was Morrell. Well that was fast.

“Hi Derek, can you come into the office? I think we should talk.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was not easy to write. I have been struggling with how to progress the story and this was a harder route to take. But I feel that it is necessary. I am so sorry.


	14. Watch What Happens

He was sitting the the black leather armchair across from Morrell recounting the story to her again. He didn’t understand why, but as the words spilled forth he felt a sort of...relief. Relief that all of the grief and angst and longing was leaving his body and that he would actually be okay. The agony was lifted off his shoulders and he could finally be whole and human again.

“That doesn’t surprise me Derek. A lot of people who have discovered the partners have cheated feel that their suspicions have been validated and the have no more reason to feel guilty. I imagine that eventually you will become a bit more emotional about it, but for now I recommend that you just keep going through your life as normal as possible.”

 

Before resuming his “normal life” he went to talk to Lydia about what he remembered. And she told him the truth. Well. A version of what might be the truth. She admitted that her and Stiles had had a fling right after she had been married to Jackson, but that it hadn’t gone as far as Stiles had claimed. A small part of him that maybe still believed in Stiles innocence reared up and screamed that maybe he hadn’t been truthful and he wasn’t a cheater.

But the rest of Derek really didn’t care. Lydia apologized profusely for not telling him when he and Stiles were starting up, but he didn’t want an apology. A crystalline shift had occurred. All at once Derek could clearly see all the wonderful things that had gone between him and Stiles, and all the awful and twisted things. He could see how truly awkward and convenient the relationship had been. It was a superficial one and even through all their progress they were still those idiot kids in the coat closet, not two star-crossed lovers.

 

All Scott had to say was that Stiles may have mentioned a fling with a friend in Seattle, but he hadn’t mentioned it since it had been in confidence. So when he talked to Melissa she tsked her teeth and sighed. “He always sees the best in anyone and refuses to think that maybe there is also a dark side.” They were sitting in his kitchen at the apartment. Since his revelation he was considering moving back in since it no longer gave him crippling heartache over Stiles. They were talking about cheating, a subject Melissa was well versed in.

“Rafe was a lot of things, but faithful was never one of them. After I found out about all the various women, I just felt like I had an easy way to get rid of a huge problem. But one of the reasons that I finally moved on from the relief into acceptance and the ability to move on was to confront him.” Derek shifted uneasily in his seat. Even if he was feeling better, the last thing he wanted to do was to talk to Stiles. He was afraid he might reach out and punch him.

“So what you’re saying is that to reach that zen we should talk about it?”

“What I’m saying is for either one of you to go anywhere, you need to talk about it.

 

He decided not to tell the Sheriff, it just seemed a little too awkward. He was not ready for that conversation. But he did keep going as if nothing had really happened and that everything was fine. Which really it was. He kept having dinners at the station and he slowly realized that he was spending more and more time trying to figure out the new Deputy. He was a really cool guy, and some amazing stories from his time in combat. Not many people liked to talk about serving in Iraq again. Since troops had been sent in 2015, the country seemed rather hesitant to admit it was happening. But Parrish would talk. He had been a bomb disposal tech and had saved a school of children from an IED which Derek had to admit was hot. And he had so many wounds. Shrapnel from a training explosion gone wrong, cuts all over his fingers and arms from disarming bombs, and of course the bullet wound hovering over his heart.

When he had asked if it hurt, Parrish told him that he didn’t remember much. “I blacked out in the desert and woke up in a medivac chopper. But when I got to Ramstein Air Force Base they put me into a coma so that the bullet wouldn’t do any more damage. I spent March through May in the ICU in Germany, and did physical therapy from June into the last week of July. Then I finally got to come back to the states.”

Derek looked at the wrinkle of skin on an otherwise flawless chest. He had so willing taken off his shirt Derek had been a little stunned. He really hadn’t noticed how truly muscular Parrish was but he definitely liked it. Not to mention he had a really light dusting of hair all across his body which drained into a trail leading towards the ridge of his hips and muscular abs. Wow he had nice abs.

“Do I need to leave?” The Sheriff had walked in and Parrish dropped his shirt. Derek almost thought he saw a blush. He whipped around and grabbed his gun off the desk, and left the office mumbling about paperwork. “So hows it going?” A light smile crossed Derek’s face and he gestured for the sheriff to sit down.

“I didn’t want to tell you because I thought it would be awkward but I think I need to. Yesterday….yesterday I remembered something. Something that Stiles told me.”

 

When he was done talking the Sheriff just sat and stared at him. “I think this is just so out of character for him. I mean, cheating? I can’t believe that he would do something like that.” He leaned back into the chair and took a swig from his coffee cup. Derek sat forward and put his clenched hands on the desk.

“I know, but it did happen. And as weird as it may seem I’m not angry.” Confusion crossed Stilinski’s face. “I feel like now I can stop being so empty and upset and now I can actually move on from something that happened months ago.” The face of confusion parted into a blank expression. “What is it?”

He frowned. “Well I didn’t expect you and Stiles to be getting back together anytime soon, so this sort of just clinches it. So as long as that’s not happening you should come to the Hospitals Halloween Ball tomorrow. It’s a costume party, be there at seven.”

 

At seven o’clock sharp he was standing in his old high school gym in tight black shorts, cat ears, and black eyeliner. And he felt ridiculous. For some reason the theme was a high school glow stick rave. For a hospital. Well. Whatever floats your boat. He sat down in the chair and had a complete stranger trace out his muscles and embellish his whiskers. And he realized that here was someone sitting across from him in almost as much clothing as him. Parrish was sitting across from him dressed as a dog with a rubber nose. And he looked fucking hot.

 

“So you got roped into this too?” They were standing at the makeshift bar under the basketball hoop holding orange pumpkin martinis. Since they had recognized each other in the glow of the phosphorescent, they had for some reason not left each others side. It was weird, it was like he couldn’t lose him, and he wasn’t sure that he wanted to. As he slowly got drunker, Parrish was getting closer and closer to him. He couldn’t help but think back to a certain Christmas party when he gotten a little too drunk. But the virgin Martini in his hand wasn’t really doing it for him in the same way.

Parrish leaned into him and planted a hand in the center of Derek’s chest. “I am so proud of you that you can fight the temptation and stay sober. I don’t usually drink but when I dom, WOW can I party!” He started to giggle and the drink sloshed out of his glass. Derek took it out of his hands and dropped it back onto the bar. He put his own down and wiped the cream colored liquor off of Parrish’s arm. He smiled at him and his face crinkled around his rubber nose.

“I think that maybe we shut put this alcohol to the test and see how well I can dance.” Before Derek could even answer he was being dragged out into the middle of the court being pushed around by the sweaty writhing bodies of the uppity ups children. He caught a glimpse of Scott and Jackson standing at the side of the gym watching him in amazement. In a different corner the Sheriff and Mrs. McCall were laughing and Lydia and Allison were watching them, perplexed, from a few feet away. It had been a long time since they had all been in the same place, and it did seem a little weird without Stiles. But then Parrish was grinding into him. Hard. And suddenly the tiny black booty shorts were not nearly enough fabric for Derek.

He turned around and wrapped his arms around Derek’s shoulders leaning in to whisper something in his ears. “Well there we go, I knew I could get you sooner or later!” He laughed and his head sank against Derek’s pecs. With the erection subsiding, the only thing that he could think of was the fact that he had never gone dancing with Stiles. He was always way too freaked out by parties and blamed it away on social anxiety. And he never wanted to let Derek help him.

So Derek wrapped his arms around Parrish’s waist and pulled him in closer. He could feel hot breath on his chest and thought that his brain might explode. Being this close to someone in public was such a wild experience and he was sure that any moment Parrish would pull away. So he held on tight.

 

“Well who would have guessed that the new Deputy was into guys?” Jackson was leaning up against the pads where he had once bounced lacrosse balls. It was weird being back here after everything that had happened over the last few years. He had only gotten to come back to Beacon Hills for the last few months of his senior year so it didn’t really feel like it was a hundred percent his school. Too many memories and too much distance clouded his perception.

“It always seems to work out that way for Derek. Maybe there’s something about him?” He looked at Scott. “What? I’m just saying he always seems to find these smokin’ guys and we had to struggle to keep the only girls in our lives to keep from leaving us during the lacrosse season!” He smiled and looked back at Derek. Parrish had leaned his head onto Derek’s chest and he saw Derek’s arms tighten around him. “What do you think this means?”

“What what means?”

“Derek and Parrish?”

“What about them?”

“Well you know, about Stiles?”

Jackson sighed and took a swig of his beer. The cape he was wearing chafed at his neck and the teeth in his mouth shifted uncomfortably. How did Vampires live like this. he popped out the glow in the dark plastic and downed the last of the bottle. He turned to Scott and glared. “The four of us agreed that we wouldn’t tell Derek that Stiles was coming back until we thought he was ready. Something changed in him the last week and I think that we have to ride it out before we say anything.”

Scott sighed and scratched behind his wolf ears. Why Allison wanted her boyfriend to be all hairy for this was beyond Jackson, but Scott did look really fierce. He turned and saw the girls walking at them. Lydia looked amazing in her zombie prom outfit, and he felt a rush of the same feeling she felt when he first saw her in eighth grade. She skipped up to him and planted a kiss on his cheek leaving behind a trace of the fake flesh from around her lips.

“What are you two talking about?” She looked between the two boys and her face dropped. “Seriously? We agreed that we would wait and I think we need to honor that. Just because Derek is doing the bump and grind with the new deputy doesn’t change that. I will talk to him and try to feel it out about whether or not he’s ready.” She took a drink of a blood red drink and lifted the drink to his lips. Somehow it tasted like copper. Real blood? It couldn’t be.

“Whatever you say Lyds, because Thanksgiving is only a month away and I am not accepting any invitations to something that will result in a thermonuclear explosion that could level half the county.” Allison put her hand into Scott’s and led him off towards the dance floor. The disappeared in the throng of bodies and Jackson turned back to Lydia. He wrapped his arm around her waist and planted a kiss on top of her curly red hair.

“You know she’s right don’t you.” He looked down at his wife and she frowned. Putting her drink down on table to the right she wrapped him up in a hug and kissed his cheek again.

“She is. Maybe. But we won’t know until we talk to Derek, so we need to just wait it out.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Wanna dance?” Lydia smiled and led Jackson after Allison and Scott.


	15. Anything Goes

“Scott, I don’t understand how there can be this much clothes on this bed. I can hear your phone but I can’t find it.” Allison threw a pile of socks to the floor and tossed away a sweatshirt. A soft light was shining through the holes in one of Scott’s old lacrosse jersey, and she grabbed for it. She looked at the caller ID and froze. Stiles. She considered putting the call through to voicemail but just as it was about to, she slid the lock and brought the phone to her ear.

“Scott?” She didn’t say anything. “Hello?” Silence. She breathed in and spoke.

“Hey Stiles. Sorry, it’s Alison. Scott’s taking a shower.” It figures that she’d get stuck with this conversation. “What can I do for you?”

“Oh, well I was sort of hoping to speak with Scott...about something personal. But I guess I can talk with you.” Oh, that comment makes you wanna help someone. “About Thanksgiving.”

“Oh, yeah. Thanksgiving.” The only place that this conversation could go was somewhere that Allison definitely did not want to be. “What about it?”

“Well, I was sort of wondering….wow this is awkward. Um...Is Derek going to be there?”

“Yeah, your Dad and Scott’s Mom did invite him.”

There was silence on the other end of the phone. And a breathe. “Okay. Um, well I guess thats all I needed. I’ll see you then I guess. Bye”

She heard a click on the other end and put the phone on the nightstand. Scott walked in, pulling a shirt over his head, his hair still wet from the water. “Who was it?”

“Stiles. And he wanted to know if Derek was coming to Thanksgiving. Which means one of two things. He’s over him or he's bringing a date. And neither one of them is going to be a good outcome for dinner.”

Scott sat on top of the piles of clothing on the bed and fell back. “Well I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. In the meantime, did you listen to that voicemail you got from the private investigator?”

She nodded her head and pulled her laptop off her desk, sitting next to him on the bed. When she opened it up, and familiar picture was there to greet him.

“Malia? What is she doing in New York?”

 

“I don’t understand why you’re so freaked out about this, it’s only dinner with the sheriff, we’ve done it a hundred times before.” Parrish was holding up a wine glass he had just washed. They were standing in the kitchen of Derek’s apartment after a lovely meal of macaroni and red wine. Derek took the glass and toweled it off before placing it back into the cupboard.

“Because it’s Thanksgiving dinner! It’s literally the most important dinner of the year! Derek threw the towel down onto the countertop and put his hands through his hair. The spikes tousled and then realigned themselves on his manicured head. A few days before, the Sheriff and Mrs. McCall had announced their plans for a joint Thanksgiving and and had invited everyone.

“And they want to have us for dinner, this is not such an amazing concept. You’re reading way too far into this.” He handed Derek a plate and tossed the sponge back into the soapy water. It hit a cloud of bubbles and tiny flecks flew everywhere. He laughed and wiped away a blob of soap suds from Derek’s cheek. “Besides, we don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

Derek sighed. “It’s not that I don’t want to go, because really I do. But the fact that the last time I had Thanksgiving dinner with the Sheriff was when I was still with Stiles is gonna be hanging over my head.”

“Hey, don’t tell me you still have feelings for Stiles because if so it makes last night a bit awkward, since that was probably the best sex I’ve had in my life.” Derek blushed and a smile spread across his face. He leaned across the space between them and kissed Parrish gently.

“Jordan. I can honestly tell you that Stiles and I are over for good. I still feel something for him, but that’s only because he was such a huge part of my life for such a long time, it might never go away. Besides, it’s not like I’ll ever have to see him again, he hasn’t even spoken with the Sheriff since April.” Derek picked the towel back up and started to put dishes back into the cabinet.

Parrish started to clean again and breathed a heavy sigh. “Well then maybe we can finally tell all of our friends that we’re seeing each other? I mean, it’s been almost a month, it’s about time.”

Derek laughed, “Well look who’s suddenly the one who wants to tell all. How different you are from last night when I had that gag in your mouth.” Parrish dropped the sponge again and walked up behind Derek. The bodies pressed together and Derek could feel Jordan through their jeans. “I’m just saying, you we’re fine with only whimpering last night.

Parrish bit at his neck and ran a hand under the fabric of his shirt. “Well I guess we’ll just have to let me talk tonight.”

 

“I don’t understand Stiles, why are you making me do this? I thought that you were out to your family?” Malia was staring at him from across their living room. She was slung across their recliner eating from a bowl of chips. Quite out of nowhere, Stiles had asked her to pretend to be his plus one for his family's Thanksgiving dinner. “What the hell is showing up with a girlfriend going to do.

Stiles threw a soda from the kitchen and Malia caught it before it broke the window. “I didn’t say girlfriend. I said plus one. It’s actually a little complicated really. I just...I need someone to come with me and draw attention away from the questions and the suspicion so that I can get through this dinner without killing someone. Because honestly I’ll do it.” He sat down on the sofa and opened his laptop. He had been checking his bank account regularly waiting for the check to be cashed so he didn’t have to worry about asking his father for the money he knew they didn’t have.

“But what are they gonna ask? How college is going? Just tell them the truth.”

“No, they’re going to ask about my personal life, and the fact that I don’t have one will be a point of discussion for Melissa since she has been trying harder than anyone to make sure that I’m happy.”

“Well aren’t you?”

He paused a moment and sighed. “Yeah. I mean, I guess. I’m happy that we get to hang out and I do love school and New York, but I’m more than a little bummed about my only source of income.”

“Well it is the worlds oldest profession.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m just saying.” Stiles got up and walked back to the kitchen, and grabbed a beer from the fridge. Malia frowned.

“Hey, you said you were stopping after you blacked out last month.” Stiles threw her a warning glance and popped the top, letting it fall to the counter.

“I’m thirsty.”

“So Thanksgiving then. I’m a non-romantic beard. A platonic plus one. That’s the deal?” Stiles nodded. “Will there be sweet potatoes?”

Stiles smiled. “Yes. Oh, and raspberry cheesecake.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal mister.”

 

“I don’t understand why Derek and Jordan haven’t just told us already. Do you think they’ll announce it at dinner or keep it under wrap a bit longer?” Melissa was rolling the cart through the frozen food aisle looking for the perfect butterball while the Sheriff was deciding on full or french cut green beans. They had gotten almost everything for the dinner but hadn’t found a good enough turkey for the nine people coming. Between Derek and Scott, they could plow through four peoples worth of turkey.

“I think they’ll keep it buttoned until just the wrong time and something will happen to make it extremely awkward. Oh by the way Stiles is bringing someone home for the dinner.”

“WHAT? I’m already cooking eleven servings for nine people and you want to make it twelve! Who is this person he’s bringing and why was I not consulted!”

“I don’t know, I think his name is Liam? It’s his roommate from New York. Evidently he doesn’t have much family so Stiles invited him to eat with us.” He threw the bag if french cut into the shopping cart.

“Do you think he may be dating this boy? Because bringing someone you may have known or a few months across country for Thanksgiving is sort of a big step in a relationship.”

“I don’t know, and I don’t care. As long as I can sit that boy down and get a reason for why the first communication from him I got was a text telling me of this uninvited guest.”

“Boys are complicated, believe me, when Scott’s father left he spent a week stuck up in his room pretending he was a dog or something. He must have a reason and we’ll just have to set him straight. Or...well, you know what I mean.”

“It’ll have to wait I guess. And then We will take care of it. Just like We are making this dinner, and We are going to tell the kids who are ours and the kids who aren’t that We are together now.”

Melissa smiled and wrapped her arm through the Sheriffs. They kept walking a while until Melissa broke free and ran towards the freezer.

“That’s it!” She came back from the freezer hauling a twenty pound butterball. “This is just going to be a magical day, I can tell.”

 

“Lydia, I don’t understand, what color scheme am I supposed to wear to dinner?” Jackson pulled his head out of the closet and threw some of his sport coats onto the bed. “What are you planning on wearing?” Lydia came out of the bathroom in a towel and Jackson almost gawked. “Well I hope for everyone else's sake you’re not gonna wear that, not that I mind it much.” She smiled and tossed a sweater from the dresser.

“It’s a dinner where we will be in the same room as Stiles and Derek, and Derek’s new boyfriend. There is no way in hell that I am letting that fiasco anywhere near any our nice clothing or anything pale. I never got the stain out of my prom dress when Scott told Allison he loved her and Isaac ended up cutting off the tip of his finger. We’re going with Earth tones.”

“Okay...I guess.” He put the coats back in the closet and pulled a tissue out of the jacket pocket. “What are we going to do about them. They seem to be going pretty well but if Derek freaks out when Stiles gets back he could sink right back to where he was.” Lydia sat down at the foot of the bed and started running the brush through her hair, letting the drops of water falls to the bedspread.

“I really don’t know what will happen. After he found out about Stiles and that guy from Washington, it was like he flipped a switch and suddenly he was over Stiles. And him and Parrish seem to be doing...fine. Or at least that’s what I gathered from the hickey on Derek’s neck.”

Jackson laughed. “Well if they tell us finally, maybe that’ll be it for the big news?”

Lydia smiled. “I don’t know, I know it’s still a little early, but I’m feeling really good about everything right now. I was going to wait a little longer, but since I’m starting to show…” She let the towel drop to the floor and Jackson swallowed hard. “See anything you like?”

A snarl came from the bottom of his throat, and he grabbed her around her waist and slid behind her. She craned her neck back and kissed him.  He pulled a sheet of red curls out of her eyes and stared into her eyes, looking into her very heart.. “Lydia, you know that I love you more than anything right?”

She smiled. “I do.”

“Well that’s it, I just wanted to let you know, just a general PSA.” Jackson leaned down and pressed his lips against hers, and they fell back onto the bed. She twisted around and pinned him down with hands on either side of his head.

“As far as public service announcements go, that’s a pretty damn good one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like this one because it means that I can finally start writing some of the other things I want to do :)


	16. Happy Holidays: Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this a while back but finals caught up with me. I know its been forever since I updated, but for those of you still out there there is content coming soon.

She was dreaming about a turkey chasing her with a baster trying to drench her in butter. Right as she was cornered against a giant clove of garlic the buzzer cut through and pulled her away from the angered bird. Four in the morning. It was time to start the preparations for what she hoped would be a very successful dinner. Everyone had personally pledged to her that they would strive to keep the peace and maintain a facade of geniality if one of the inevitable problems within their rag-tag family popped up. As she tiptoed around the room collecting her bathrobe and slippers she looked back to see the Sheriff grasping lightly at where she had been lying.

It had been a few months since they had gone on their first date. They had always flirted around each other, playing a role in parenting each others children and eventually their children’s friends. After Derek and Allison entered the picture and they started getting involved in police affairs with the Sheriff, she had become the den-mother, making sure that a voice of reason permeated the ranks of their pack. And as the stakes had been raised, Melissa had found herself clinging to the Sheriff to keep sane. Everyone graduating and moving on with their lives had assuaged her fears, but empty nest had brought both of them together to bond over new ones.

The first date wasn’t even supposed to be a date. They were out shopping for various things that the boys had simply forgotten to bring with them and had gone out for pizza afterwards. As they sat talking and laughing she found herself staring at the Sheriff in a new way. She knew he felt it to, and within a week they were dressed in overly starched clothing at a fancy restaurant. After an expensive meal with little food involved, he kissed her in a grove of bushes draped in orange Halloween pumpkin lights. Her foot even popped.

So their relationship changed. They started meeting for quick lunches in the hospital cafeteria, and for chinese food at the station for dinner. On the weekend they sat on the couch like teenagers watching movies from their childhood and laughing until it hurts. And when he first stayed over and he held her while she fell asleep, she had never felt more safe than in his arms. Steadily their relationship had gained speed, charging towards the great unknown, and moving in together.

She walked by the bathroom where their toothbrushes sat side by side on the counter. They had been talking about sharing a home, but didn’t know which one to share, let alone how to tell the boys. Scotts father and Stiles’ mother had raised their children in these houses and asking one of them to give up those bastions of safety and see someone else take their place  could be too much. So they waited, clearing out drawers in the dresser so they could stay at either place and try to pretend they didn’t have to make a decision.

She flicked on the lights in the kitchen and shivered. The air was unusually cold for November, so she raised the thermostat a few degrees. Hearing the radiators start to tick, she shed her bathrobe for her apron and set to work. She flew around the house, grabbing cans and boxes for the side dishes, dressing and stuffing the turkey and lowering him into the giant black pan. Closing him into the oven for six hours, she could smell the mingling spices and the leaves outside and sipped her coffee. Five-thirty. Time to clean.

She pulled on the rubber gloves and went to work. Scrubbing the bathrooms until they shines, washing the tile of the kitchen and polishing the serving set her grandmother had given her. She vacuumed until her shoulder ached, and scrambled to declutter the house, throwing everything extra into the back bedroom. By six-thirty the house was sparkling and the sheriff was still asleep. She started on the table, laying out the tablecloth she had been given by her mother for her wedding, and carefully placing the candlesticks she had snatched at a tag sale. The plates that had been her husbands mothers were carefully laid out around the giant oval table, and the silverware was placed so it was just right. On a side table she placed the coffee mugs and crystal wine glasses she had bought when she turned twenty-one and in the kitchen set up the silver serving set.

At seven the sheriff finally stumbled down the stairs sniffing for his morning coffee. He had to work until eleven since someone always called out, and practically slept walked out the door to the car in the front yard. With the house empty she grabbed her iPod and turned up the music, singing until she shed the early morning fog still hanging over her. She headed up stairs and prepared the rooms. Hers for her and the sheriff. Scotts for him and Alison. Jackson and Lydia were staying at their own home, and Derek and Parrish were at their apartments. They had planned on Stiles sleeping in the back bedroom but with his guest coming she decided to fix up the extra bedroom upstairs. She threw seldom used sheets over the twin beds and with a rag brushed away the dust of misuse.

She came back downstairs and checked on the turkey. Four more hours to go. The pies were pre-made, and Lydia was bringing ice cream and cookies. She brought them up from the basement and put them out on the counter to begin to thaw. She was expecting Derek and Jordan at nine so they could go and collect anything she had forgotten which right now included rolls, butter, and to go containers for leftovers. With extra time, she decided to look for some decorations in the attic and set them around the house, leaves on the table, stuffed turkeys on the couch, and a cornucopia in the front window.

Looking outside she saw the leaves strewn across the yard and decided that needed to be tidies up as well. She pulled on a jacket and got the leaf blower from the shed in the back, and began to blow. Across the neighborhood, people were already arriving at relatives houses, and children were throwing footballs across the streets. A swift wind was coming from the mountains and she could see that overnight, a majority of the leaves had been ripped off if the trees. It took nearly an hour to move and remove all the leaves, and when she went inside her nose and ears were pink from the cold.

Derek and Jordan came and went, heading off to the supermarket and she checked on the bird. Already the house smelled amazing, and the bird was browning up perfectly. She had an hour before the rest of the clan would arrive, so she went upstairs and changed out of her house gear and into her nicer clothing. She walked downstairs and sat down in front of the tv, flipping through the channel until she found the Parade. And that was how she sat until the doorbell rang at ten o’clock. Leave it to her pack of children. Always right on time.


End file.
